


Love is a Funny Thing

by dugindeep (hotsauce), tebtosca



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-02
Updated: 2012-07-02
Packaged: 2017-11-09 01:02:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 40,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/449527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hotsauce/pseuds/dugindeep, https://archiveofourown.org/users/tebtosca/pseuds/tebtosca
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone knows the story of how Jared and Jensen met and filled Sam and Dean’s shoes. They met in the waiting room and became instant brothers on-screen and best friends behind it. There were bar fights and red carpet fondling, Ritchie Valens and Thomas Kinkade, Christmases together and vacations apart, conventions, the writer’s strike, a broken engagement, a new co-star to love, living together, and then not. But what no one knows is what happened in the space in-between, and how Jared and Jensen had to find themselves, and each other, over six seasons of failed relationships, random hook-ups, and a coat closet confessional.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Season 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [spn_j2_bigbang](http://spn-j2-bigbang.livejournal.com/)
> 
> Art by [ldyghst](http://ldyghst.livejournal.com/215748.html)
> 
> Masterpost on Livejournal
> 
>  
> 
> [HERE](http://no-big-fic.livejournal.com/)

  


“Shit, Jared, _duck!”_

The worst thing about being six-and-a-half-feet tall? Even when you duck, you still end up getting punched somewhere.

_Damn, that stings,_ Jared thinks, rubbing his cheekbone for a second before swinging around and knocking the guy coming after him with the bones of his knuckles. The guy goes down for the moment, thankfully, but then another guy is rushing at him with all the force of a drunk hothead with something to prove to two “pretty boys.” That charming proclamation was what he yelled out before shoving Jensen in the chest and starting all of this.

“Not gonna be pretty for long if I don’t learn to bend at the knees,” Jared mumbles to himself just seconds before doing just that and swinging for the guy’s face.

One thing that can be said for the Canadians—they are persistent. Guy Number One shifts left, but not before clipping Jared’s wrist with his jawbone in the process. It stings like a motherfucker, and Jared is temporarily stunned enough for Guy Number Two to jump up and try to grab him around the waist.

“Didn’t I tell you to duck?” Jensen’s voice is suddenly nearby, and Jared can practically hear the eye roll in it. Luckily, Jensen is also breaking Guy Number One’s nose with the meat of his palm and, if Jared wasn’t currently being tackled, he would be impressed with that ninja-like move.

Guy Number Two doesn’t stand a chance after that, since his best move seems to be hugging Jared like a tree sloth. Jared pulls out of his grasp and kicks him in the balls with one boot, sending the fucker to the ground with a pitiful little “oof!”

Jared looks up and sees the bartender on the phone and knows that the Mounties or whatever the fuck they have up here should be close by. It’s not like they started the fight-- and there are twenty witnesses to that effect-- but the last thing two actors with a brand new and hopefully one-day popular series want to do is hang around long enough to get their picture taken minutes after a bar brawl.

Jensen must get the same idea, because he grabs Jared by the bum wrist and starts dragging him towards the exit. Jared hisses as a pain shoots up his arm, but it doesn’t feel excruciating like it’s broken, and adrenaline is rushing through his veins like speed, so he sucks it up and goes with it.

They don’t stop running until they’re halfway through the lobby of the hotel that the WB is putting them up at during filming. It takes half a ride up the elevator before they both burst into hysterical laughter.

They end up in Jensen’s place, since it’s closest, and Jared flops down on the couch in the living area. He touches his molars with his tongue, just to make sure everything is accounted for. An emergency dental appointment would _suck_.

“How’s your wrist? Want some ice?” Jensen asks, gesturing down where Jared is cradling it in his lap. Jared doesn’t even realize he’s doing it, but Jensen is an observant guy.

It’s always nice, Jared decides. Having someone around that gives a shit.

“Yeah, man, that would be great,” Jared replies, gratefully taking a face towel full of ice cubes a minute later and only just barely groaning as the coolness touches his semi-swollen joint.

Jensen, meanwhile, is holding another towel up to his lip, which is starting to puff from where one of the assholes managed to get a hit in. He chuckles a bit and flops down next to Jared, who can see where his shoulders are deflating with the end of the adrenaline rush.

“Who knew Canadians were so feisty?” Jensen deadpans, closing his eyes just for a moment as he rests his head on the back of the couch.

“C’mon, man, everyone knows they’re all lumberjacks and shit,” Jared jokes. That gets a laugh out of Jensen, who then groans a bit. Looks like one of them might have gotten a body shot or two in as well.

“Kim’s gonna kill us,” Jensen groans. Even though they have a day to rest before shooting commences on Monday, they still have a no-nonsense director to contend with who will more than likely be merciless towards two banged up actors stupid enough to get into a bar fight with two drunk assholes.

“No, _Shannon_ is gonna kill us,” Jared corrects. “Bad enough she has to spend so long covering up those adorable little freckles of yours every morning.”

“You are such a dick, Padalecki. I don’t even know why I’m your friend,” Jensen pouts.

Jared can’t help but grin, and strangely enough, it makes his wrist feel a little bit better.

“Because they pay you. Obviously.”

“Obviously,” Jensen repeats, but the pout has turned to a smirk, and somehow it makes the upcoming Wrath of the Makeup Artist worth it.

“If anyone asks, can we tell them that it was eight guys instead of just two drunk lumberjacks?”

Jensen just laughs.

 

Jared Padalecki meets Jensen Ackles on a Tuesday. It will turn out one day to be _the_ Tuesday, but right now it’s just a regular day and another audition that will hopefully help make people recognize him as someone other than the guy who deflowered Rory Gilmore.

Jared is admittedly a little disappointed when he first gets the “Supernatural” script from his agent and is told that he’s trying out for the role of “Sam.” After all, he’s always wanted to be Han, not Luke. Well, that’s a lie—he’s always wanted to be Boba Fett, but that’s neither here nor there.

His manager, Dan, tells him to “dress like a college kid” for his first audition and, although Jared’s never been the method actor type, he pulls a faded UT sweatshirt out of his closet and goes in there and nails it. Dan celebrates by taking Jared and his best friend Jordan out to a whiskey bar in downtown LA where pretty girls and even prettier guys look Jared up and down with a spark of recognition and the acknowledgment that he’s not too hard on the eyes.

Getting a pilot, any pilot, is a long process, and the relative stability of being on “Gilmore Girls” has spoiled Jared a bit to the way the business can chew you up and spit you out while shouting “next!” to the next pair of dimples in the waiting room. Jared knows that people think he’s naïve, that he’s a goof-ball with bangs that are too long and a ready laugh for any occasion. And he is that too, all of that, yet he’s also shrewd and he’s smart and the boy who wants to make his mama proud for believing in him when he said that he wanted to drop out of school to tell the world stories.

He thinks it’s probably that thought—or, rather, blurting it out to Eric Kripke in a burst of nervous word vomit— that wins him the role.

Kripke is like every other guy in Hollywood at the exact same time that he’s not. He’s a ball of energy—but then that’s usually coke. He barely sleeps at night because of all the ideas running through his brain—but that’s usually from the poor PA that put them there.

But Kripke defies all of that, and the vaguely manic look in his eyes when Jared stupidly says “I’d love to help tell Sam and Dean’s story” five minutes after first meeting him, is enough for Jared to figure out that he’s going to like this guy. If Kripke doesn’t excite himself into an early heart attack first.

Jared walks into the production offices on that Tuesday for one of the last screen tests, this time with the guy that they hand-picked for Sam’s brother Dean, Jensen Ackles. Jared doesn’t know much about the guy except he played third-fiddle to Welling and Rosenbaum on “Smallville” and, according to the girls in hair on “Gilmore Girls”, somehow managed to majorly piss off Michael Weatherly over on “Dark Angel.” Jared just hopes Jensen’s not a complete douchebag, although if Jared can live through Milo Ventimigilia— _prick_ —he can live through anyone.

The guy is sitting there in a chair, alone, in the conference room the receptionist shows Jared to when he arrives at her desk. Jared wonders how long he’s been there and rolls his eyes at the obvious intimidation tactic the producers think they’re pulling by leaving the poor guy stewing. Having time to overthink is deadly for an actor, and the producers know just how to rattle the cage as one final test to see if their would-be stars can handle the pressure.

The guy—Jensen Ackles—stands up when he sees Jared, a tiny bit of relief mixing in with wariness in his eyes. He’s good-looking, Jared can tell that, not quite as tall as Jared but with classically handsome features and dark blond hair that looks like he spent just a little too much time on it. Jared laughs a bit on the inside as he remembers not only googling Jensen’s name, but back-clicking his way out after the first page of images. Because, really, he might have to work with this dude, and he needs to be able to look the guy in the eye without thinking about brick pants.

“Jensen Ackles,” he says, coming over with a confident stride, and Jared likes that. It fits Dean, and Jared needs this guy to fit Dean if he’s going to go in there and fit Sam.

“Jared Padalecki,” Jared replies with as big a smile as he can manage, and he sees Jensen stutter for just a heartbeat before reaching out and shaking his hand.

“That’s gonna take me a while to get right,” Jensen jokes good-naturedly and Jared laughs.

“I know. We have a lot of aggressive consonants going on in our names, don’t we?”

Jensen looks like he’s two seconds away from calling him a dork, and it makes Jared grin even harder.

“So, man, how long have you been waiting? Kripke seems like a cool guy but I’m sure he thinks it’s hilarious to make us simmer in here,” Jared says, flopping down into the nearest chair.

He sees Jensen take in Jared’s natural, comfortable slouch and nods seemingly to himself before sitting down in the chair across from him. Jensen’s body language seems to mimic his own, and Jared’s not sure if it’s intentional or subconscious.

“So, I hear you went out for Sam first,” Jared says nonchalantly, testing his reaction.

Jensen blushes just the tiniest bit and Jared’s not quite sure what to make of that. “Dean Winchester wouldn’t blush, you know.”

Jensen grins suddenly, ridiculously, like a cat. “Ah, Sammy, yes I do. You just don’t get to see it because you’re my brother and not that pretty waitress from the diner whose eyes go all soft and legs go all wide when I manage to get my cheeks just the right shade of pink.”

Jared’s mouth drops open in surprise and he starts laughing. “That’s so cheesy, dude.”

Jensen just winks at him, and Jared is still laughing a couple minutes later when Kripke and the executive producer Peter Johnson walk in the door to greet them.

“So, I see you two have met,” Kripke grins, rubbing his hands together like he’s trying to make fire.

“Are we going to get to see the hidden camera tapes after this is over?” Jensen asks, smirking at Jared, who just smiles at him like it’s his birthday.

“I like you, Ackles,” Kripke says back, pointing at him as if to reiterate the point. He’s wearing a Led Zeppelin t-shirt and his hair is sticking straight up, and Jared cannot wait to work on this goddamn show with him.

Two hours later, Jared and Jensen walk out of there as Sam and Dean. No contracts are signed, no network approval attained. But everyone in that room knows it, and all that’s left to do now is go have a drink.

The two of them end up at a cowboy bar, and it’s as clichéd as it sounds, but also just as comfortable.

“I like the way you say my name,” Jensen says four beers and three shots of Jack later.

“Yeah?” Jared says, mind fuzzy around the edges, but he’s still sitting up, so that’s a plus.

“Yeah, reminds me of home,” Jensen shrugs, and that flush is on his cheeks.

Jared’s eyes might go a little soft, but his legs don’t go wide and if he remembers it at all the next day, he’ll chalk it up to alcohol and his shiny new job.

  


“Dude, you kicked me in the balls,” Jensen moans, rolling around the floor of the set.

“Cut!” their director, David, calls out as the crew starts rumbling a bit.

“But they were just hanging there, it’s not my fault,” Jared snickers, rolling over to put Jensen into a headlock.

“Seriously, be careful with those things. Future generations need to inherit that face,” Adrianne, the actress playing Sam’s girlfriend Jess, says with amusement from just off camera. She’s wrapped in a robe and eating a cherry lollipop and is, so far, totally awesome.

“Do we need the stunt crew already, gentleman, or do you think you two can handle something as simple as hand-to-hand combat?” David deadpans, as Jared rolls off of Jensen and helps him to his feet instead.

“Watch the hair!” Jensen growls, but there is no heat behind it and Jared can tell he’s trying not to laugh.

“Awwww, poor Jensen scared of little Jeannie! Is she gonna yell at you for messing up her gelled masterpiece?” Jared snickers and then ducks as Jeannie the key hair stylist waves a comb at him with faux-menace from the sidelines.

By the time they finish filming the pilot, they are all banged up to shit. Jared goes back to his house every night during the shoot and finds new bruises, new places to hurt. He knows that if the show gets picked up that this is going to be his life for at least nine months out of the year. He thinks about how easy the rest of it was, to slip into Sam Winchester’s skin, to feel that connection—tenuous but deep—with Jensen’s Dean and Jensen himself.

Jared thinks it’s a life that he would be happy to lead, and it’s that thought in his head when Jensen drags him and Jordan to a late night pool party at his buddy’s house on the final day of filming.

“I’m so fucking tired, man,” Jared mumbles, lying on a raft in his boxer shorts in the shallow end of Christian Kane’s pool. There are strangers randomly singing and at least three people appear to be doing something untoward in the bushes lining the backyard. Jordan is snoring on a deck chair a few yards away.

Jensen is sitting in on the stairs leading into the pool, drunk off his ass and smoking a joint. He’s down to boxers, wet socks, and a hoodie that magically appeared over his shoulders about an hour before. It’s fuck o’clock in the morning, and the air is crisp but as gorgeous as any spring night in LA.

“It’ll be worth it when we get picked up,” Jensen insists, eyes closed as he sucks in a hit and holds it.

“If we get picked up.”

“When we get picked up.”

Jared peers over at Jensen, wills his eyes to adjust to the dark and booze. “I had the best time. If it doesn’t work out, I just want you to know that I’ve had the best time.”

“We’re gonna have so many best times, Jared. Just you wait,” Jensen smiles beatifically and Jared can’t bring himself to disagree. So he just goes to sleep instead and hopes that Jensen is sober enough to not let him drown.

  


The show gets picked up at the Upfronts in May and Jared gets a text from Jensen that says simply “who’s ur daddy?” about ten minutes after he finds out. Jared texts back, “mama said not to tell dad bout mailman” and flips his phone closed with a grin.

They find out a few days later that the show is going to be filming in Vancouver, instead of Los Angeles like they were promised. Jensen is pissed as hell, but Jared doesn’t mind it so much. LA has never been his scene, and once Jordan offers to move up there for a little while and act as his de-facto assistant until he gets settled, it makes it easier to get excited. Figuring out how to bring up his two huge mutts Harley and Sadie needs to be worked out, but it’s nothing that can’t be managed.

The one downside is Sandy, of course, and the way those big brown eyes of hers get all misty when he tells her he is moving up to Canada makes him regret all of it, even if only for a few minutes.

Jared loves the way Sandy fits on his lap, the way those tiny hands curl around his shoulders, long mahogany-colored hair falling like waves over his skin. She rubs those lips across his cheekbones and he feels good, feels strong.

He wanted to fuck her the moment her met her on the set of the cheesy horror movie he shot the prior year, but it ended up more than that eventually. She’s tiny and dark, with a smile like the sun and an at-first-surprising wit that keeps him on his toes and challenges him when he’s being an asshole. He introduced her to his family back in San Antonio at Christmas time, and if the way his mama had fawned over her was indication, Sandy fit right into the Padalecki fold.

“You’re happy for me, right, babe?” Jared mumbles against her temple a few nights before he’s due to leave for Vancouver.

Sandy snuggles closer to him, her body cool against the warmth of his own. “Of course I am. This show is going to be amazing and you are going to be amazing, too.”

Sandy’s an actress and a realist. Yet, more importantly, Jared knows, she’s a romantic. He thinks that she kind of likes the idea of being the one he always returns to.

That weekend he is moving into a hotel in Vancouver, and starting a new chapter of his life.

  


They barely get started in filming before they are being called back to do promo for the WB in LA in Late July. Jared grabs Sandy, who is dressed up all sexy casual, and they head to the Cabana Club to schmooze the execs and eat some free food.

Jensen snorts when he sees Jared walk in. “Nice shirt,” he whispers in Jared ear as he pulls him in for a hug.

Jared holds the hug just the flipside of too long to whisper back. “I’m not the one wearing flowers, you pussy.”

Jensen is with what appears to be his girlfriend, Joanna, and Jared is a bit surprised that he hasn’t met her before with how close he and Jensen have gotten in the past few months. She’s gorgeous, all platinum hair and curves, and when they get introduced, she’s charming and polite but vaguely disinterested. For some reason she doesn’t strike Jared as the type of girl that Jensen would go for. Of course, thinking like that means he’s being a jerk, and his mama raised him never to judge a book by its boobs.

They walk the red carpet, posing for pictures like the trained monkeys they are and answering repetitive questions about whether they too believe in ghosts. They kiss their girls for the flashes and then drape themselves over each other, the whole line of photographers eating it up like a free buffet.

It’s easy and it’s fun, but it’s not even close to being as good as a few days later, when they are sitting cross-legged on the floor of Jared’s trailer as Jensen tries to convince him that golf on a PSP is in no way better than the game in real life.

Jared scoffs and throws a green gummi bear at Jensen’s head. The green ones are the grossest, so by Jared’s logic, those are the only ones tolerable to waste as ammo.

  


“How am I supposed to act when my tongue is frozen and doesn’t work anymore?”

Jensen sticks his tongue out to demonstrate.

“Want me to test drive that theory?”

“You saw 'A Christmas Story,' right?”

“Nevermind. Ouch.”

Their driver raises an eyebrow in the rear view mirror.

It’s an hour later and the sky is still dark and freezing. Jared hands over yet another cup of coffee to Jensen, black with one sugar, just like he likes it. He takes it with a muttered “thank you” but then makes a happy sound with the first sip.

“You’re the one who worked in Van before. How are you not used to the winter yet?” Jared chuckles, fondling his own cup of coffee.

Jensen looks at him in disdain from inside the hooded parka. Jared’s in a sweatshirt and smiling smugly at him. “I’m not part sled dog like you.”

“I thought I was part Yeti last week.”

“No, you are all Yeti, part sled dog, and part Hoover vacuum.”

“In other words, we should probably be hunting me in the next episode.”

“It’s what John would want his sons to do.”

“Speak of the handsome devil,” Jared grins, as Jeffrey Dean Morgan wanders over to them.

“It’s cold as balls,” he grumbles, grabbing the coffee out of Jared’s hands and taking a huge sip. “Mmm, thanks son, I needed that.”

“You’re welcome, old man,” Jared rolls his eyes.

“At least someone appreciates what I’m going through. Jared here is part radiator,” Jensen insists.

“Where does radiator fit in with sled dog and vacuum?” Jared asks snottily.

“I’ll tie you to the one in my living room if you really want to find out.”

“Promises, promises.”

“Now, now, boys. Daddy doesn’t need to see all the foreplay,” Jeff grins mockingly, taking another swig of Jared’s coffee.

“I am positive that there is a television show that is supposed to be filming right now,” Jensen deadpans, looking around as if he’s searching for a production assistant to save him from the taunting.

“Ah, Jensen, we tease because we love,” Jeff smirks, flinging his arm around Jensen’s shoulders.

Jeff’s looking at Jensen in a peculiar way suddenly, and Jared can’t quite make out what the joke is supposed to be. He realizes that the cold must be affecting his brain, and follows Jeff as he pulls Jensen off towards where Serge is finishing setting up.

  


Sandy comes up the next week and she insists on getting to know Jared’s “dad”, which Jeff finds hilarious. The first time they meet on set, he picks her up like a ragdoll and snuggles her in a completely non-paternal way as Jared and Jensen look on in amusement. Jeff flirts with pretty much anything that moves, so it’s fitting.

“You smell good,” Sandy beams, her face crushed against Jeff’s chest. “Jared, your dad smells really good.”

“You’re just used to sweaty Jared. Your nose is confused,” Jensen snarks, and then grunts as Jared elbows him in the ribs.

It’s early enough in the work week that their call ends in time to go grab some food and a drink at a local pub. Sandy goes to sit next to Jeff but Jared gives a mock-snarl and she rolls her eyes and slides into the booth next to him instead.

Jeff grabs Jensen and pulls him down next to him, and Jared’s eyes are momentarily drawn to the firm grasp of Jeff’s fingers around Jensen’s wrist. If Jared didn’t know better, he would think the touch lingers, but Jensen is shrugging Jeff off and shoving him closer to the wall before Jared can think more about it.

One of the things Jared loves best about Sandy is the fact that she can eat, and he finds himself smiling fondly at her a while later as she’s licking bacon cheeseburger juice off her fingers. He curls an arm around her and dips down to press a chaste kiss to her mouth, tasting burger and beer. She smiles into the kiss and rubs her nose against his.

He’s just tipsy enough to not be embarrassed when Jeff starts making cooing noises at their PDA. “You’re just jealous,” he laughs, and Sandy sinks further into his body so everything is fine.

“Damn right I am,” Jeff replies, voice lazy with alcohol, before glancing over at Jensen, who has his head tipped back against the booth, his face calm and blank.

“So, Sandy,” Jeff asks a bit later, after they are finished eating and are nursing another round. “Jared says you’re a dancer?”

Sandy’s eyes light up at the mention of dance, which has always been the thing she loves the most. Jared’s gone to watch her practice before at the studio near her LA home, and he’s always admired how serene she looks when she’s out there on the dancefloor moving.

“Yeah, it’s liberating, you know? Acting is all about being someone else, but dancing makes me feel the most like myself,” Sandy says, and Jared can feel her nearly vibrating next to him.

“It’s definitely a good talent to have. Lord knows I don’t have it, but I think Jensen can shimmy, isn’t that right Jensen?” Jeff grins, pushing into Jensen.

Jensen doesn’t push Jeff back and just rests there along his side, but he’s smirking over at Jared. “At least I don’t look like an electrocuted monkey like Jared.”

Sandy and Jeff laugh heartily, and Jared sticks his tongue out at Jensen like a five-year-old, which seems the most appropriate response after a full day of work and four beers.

“You going to do anything with it?” Jeff turns the attention back to Sandy. “Theater, maybe? Musical?”

“I don’t know, really,” Sandy shrugs a little, rubbing her finger around the rim of her beer bottle absently. Her smile grows a little wistful. “I think I’d like to own my own dance studio one day. You know, away from the business, out of the spotlight.”

Jared can feel her looking up at him, those gorgeous brown eyes bright with expectation. “One day,” she repeats, and Jared swallows hard. He bends down to kiss her instead of answering.

“Well, you kids are still young,” Jeff says, finishing off his beer.

“Some of us are anyway,” Jensen quips and Jeff wraps an arm around his neck to give him what looks like a sorry attempt at a noogie.

Jared just smiles and hugs a giggling Sandy closer to him.

  


“That went well, right? I was awesome, yeah?” Kripke beams, literally bouncing around the green room backstage after the Paley Festival that March. It’s their first big convention to talk about the series, and it’s been both exciting and nerve-wracking at the same time.

“No, Bob and his sexy leather jacket are awesome,” Jensen smirks, falling onto a couch as Singer rolls his eyes at him.

“I think you were awesome, Krip,” Jared insists, high-fiving his boss. Kripke’s still hopping up and down and even Jared’s exhaustion from working until 4:30am and then getting on a flight down to California can’t keep him from hopping along with him.

“Why are we bouncing?” Kripke asks, twitching like his usual manic self.

“Yeah, why are you bouncing?” Jensen snorts.

“Because we’re awesome!” Jared cheers.

Everyone in the room busts out laughing and Jared grins and finally collapses directly on top of Jensen.

“Hi,” Jared smiles up at him. He’s a little out of breath, the adrenaline rush of being onstage slowing gradually.

Jensen pushes the bangs off Jared’s forehead with a fond eye roll. “Hey you.”

“Why did you have to bring up the damn bees?” Kim grumbles, sitting down next to Bob and grabbing a bottle of water from the table. He shivers a little bit and Jensen grins over at him.

“I still have nightmares about them, Kim. You can’t tell me to just get over something like that,” Jensen insists.

“You and me both, kid. Maybe if we team up we can get the network to pay our therapy bills,” Kim agrees, holding the water bottle up in a mock salute.

“Hey now, we’re over budget enough as it is,” Bob deadpans.

Kripke waves his hands around in the air dismissively. “Don’t talk about budgets, you’ll harsh my buzz. Let’s all go to my house and get drunk. Yes? Yes!”

“I’m too old for that,” Bob says at the exact same time Jensen says “Bob’s too old for that.” They both bust up laughing and Jared closes his eyes to enjoy the sound.

  


Jared finds himself not wanting to leave Vancouver on the weekends. His dogs are here, he’s exhausted by the frantic pace of the week, and he’s starting to enjoy the little bubble that the city has created around them. Sandy comes up when she can, and Jared knows that she misses him because he misses her too.

Jensen likes to go down to LA as often as he can, but he’s always been more attached to the city than Jared has, and he has a group of friends there that he rarely gets to see. But there are some weekends he’ll stay, and Jared will stay, and Sandy will be working on a project somewhere far away. Jared and Jensen will play video games and teach Harley some stupid trick and eat too much steak and drink too much beer. They’ll watch Bruce Willis movies and play the guitar and exist in the little space they’ve managed to carve out in this moment in time. Their friendship is comfortable in a way that Jared hasn’t experienced much before, even with his buddies from back home, but he’s glad that he’s in this adventure with someone else. It helps make the ride not so scary.

Jared feels a bit guilty for loving those weekends the most, though he doesn’t worry too much about it. There’s a chance that they won’t get a second season and the best thing he’s ever done will be over as quickly as it started.

One Tuesday becoming the next.

  


The season one finale is the hardest shoot they’ve done so far, and there is a lingering tension in the air that is hard to get around. Everybody on set knows that there is a chance they won’t have jobs in a few months, but luckily for the people involved, that just makes this group want to work harder.

“Let’s kick it in the ass,” Kim says briskly on the first day of filming, clapping his hands together. Kripke, who came up to make sure everything goes well just in case it’s the last episode he ever gets to write for the show, attempts to high five him, but Kim just rolls his eyes and walks off.

“Burn!” Jared yells, as Kripke looks forlornly at Serge until Serge taps Kripke’s palm with his index finger.

“I like Serge better anyway,” Kripke hollers after Kim, then guffaws when Kim holds up his middle finger, back still turned.

“I love that prickly fucker,” Kripke muses, stealing a chocolate bar off a nearby tray and dropping down into his name-plated director’s chair.

Jared’s heart clenches. Goddamn, he misses these people already.

It’s the second to last day of filming, and Jared tries not to think about the fact that he has to go back to his place and start cleaning it out for hiatus. Jordan already drove the dogs back to LA the weekend before, and the silence without them in deafening.

Jared’s an optimistic guy, usually, except in those weak moments when he wants something desperately. And the continuation of this show, this life-- he wants it as desperately as he’s ever wanted anything before.

Jensen gets it, gets him. When Jared is nervous or stressed or upset, Jensen will put a hand on his neck and it all goes away. It scares Jared suddenly, that Jensen won’t be there anymore, that once they are back in LA and Jensen has a city full of friends that he’s known for ages, that he’ll suddenly forget about Jared. It’s irrational, but coupled with exhaustion and too many cups of coffee and the burn of prosthetic makeup that has been dripping into his eye one too many times, it’s creeping all over him.

Jared heads to Jensen’s trailer, like he’s done a million times. It’s late, shooting has already wrapped and Jared could have gone on earlier but he wants to drive with Jensen, just in case he doesn’t have many more of those rides left.

He doesn’t quite expect a rumpled Jeff Morgan and his half-unbuttoned shirt to be coming out of the silence of Jensen’s trailer.

“Jared, thought you went home,” Jeff huffs, eyelids lowering slightly as he glances back at the half-closed door of the trailer.

Jared realizes suddenly that something is going on here but he has no idea what it is.

“Hey, Jared,” Jensen appears suddenly in the doorway. His cheeks are flushed and his hair is messier than when he left the set.

Jared’s jaw drops when he notices what’s different.

“You have beard burn on your face,” Jared blurts out.

“And that’s my cue to leave. Have fun, boys,” Jeff salutes, booking it out of there before Jared can even get his mouth closed.

Jared doesn’t even bother watching him go since his eyes are fixated on the seeming evidence of the fact that Jensen was possibly _fucking_ their television father.

A guy. Jensen was fucking a guy.

“Is this gonna be weird? Are we gonna be weird?” Jensen asks, and his voice is quieter than Jared’s ever heard it before. Quieter than when he’s fallen asleep on Jared’s couch or on Jared’s shoulder in the morning before his second cup of coffee. Quieter than when he smoothes his hands over Sadie’s head and lets her lick his cheek without even flinching at her dog breath.

Jared shakes his head instinctively. He’s not a homophobe, so it’s not like Jensen being gay matters.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Jared asks, dropping down to sit on the steps of the trailer. His shoulders hunch down and he curls into himself.

He can hear Jensen sitting down behind him, but he doesn’t turn around.

“Because I was scared of this reaction.”

“You should have trusted me, Jensen.”

He aches with that, with the knowledge that Jensen thought he didn’t know Jared well enough to know that he would never, _could_ never, think any less of him.

A gentle hand is placed on Jared’s shoulder. “I know, Jared, and I’m sorry. I didn’t want you to feel uncomfortable around me.”

Jared’s mind runs through a Technicolor montage of all the times he’s practically molested Jensen on the red carpet and in front of their friends and the crew. It’s all in good fun, right? Jensen is amiable and easy to annoy, and how is Jared supposed to resist that?

Jared leans back into Jensen’s hand. “I’m the one that’s always manhandling you, dork. Why should I be uncomfortable?”

Jensen barks out a laugh, and although it sounds surprised, Jared also hears relief. “Well, you’re just lucky that I don’t seem to have any personal space issues around your giant ass.”

Jared smiles, and Jensen moves his hand to the back of Jared’s neck where it’s supposed to be. “What about Joanna?”

“Same PR. You know the way it works.”

Jared nods a little and gets the next bit out hesitantly. He doesn’t know if he wants to know the answer. “And Jeff?”

Jensen laughs ruefully. “It’s nothing, just a fling. Things happen. Jeff’s mostly straight.”

Somehow that makes Jared feel better, and he’s not sure why. It’s not like Jensen’s love life is any of his business and he’s being an idiot for making this all about him.

Jared turns around just enough to see Jensen’s profile in the low light. “I’m sorry I was weird for a second. I was just startled. Remind me to apologize to Jeff tomorrow for being a dick.”

Jensen pushes him a bit and then pulls him to his feet. “Please, Jeff’s a big boy, he doesn’t need your apologies.”

“Big boy, huh?” Jared can’t resist.

“Good to know that me being gay has not enhanced your humor past the point of a normal twelve-year-old.”

_Me being gay._

Well that’s settled then, Jared gulps.

His mind flashes to thoughts of Jeff kissing Jensen, rubbing his cheeks against Jensen’s face until all that red blossomed. Wonders briefly if he had walked into the trailer even minutes earlier, if he would have found Jeff bending Jensen over the arm of the couch. Thinks about what it sounds like when they fuck.

Jared doesn’t know why he’s thinking about all these things, but he guesses it must just be the shock.

“You can’t expect miracles in one season, Jensen,” is what he actually says, when he remembers to speak again.

Jensen smiles and Jared stops to take a moment to remember it, just in case. “Well, then, good thing we’ll have next season to see if we can work on it.”

  


Four days later, Jared is in LA, where he fucks his girlfriend in every room of his house.

  


A month later, Kripke calls him to tell him that the network is going to give them a season two.

There’s only one person he thinks of to call.


	2. Season 2

  


“I don’t think I can do this anymore,” Jensen blurts. He cringes when he hears a glass smack in the kitchenette where Danneel’s rinsing a few dishes. There’s a smattering of glass and the metal sink clanking together, and he waits until she steadies the glass, thankful it never shatters, to say more. “It’s not working out.”

When she appears in the doorway, she’s wearing a loose tank and faded cut-off shorts, both of which are streaked with dishwater. She looks adorable and messy-sexy all at the same time, and her plush lips turn down in a pout that could drive a man crazy.

“What’s not working?” she asks slowly.

“How easy do you think it is to leave the CW?”

“You are not quitting your job.” After a second, she appears confused. “Are you quitting your job?”

He sighs, long and put-off, like he so often does when face-to-face with the root of the problem. “I have to, Danneel. It’s killing me.”

Danneel tips her head and exaggeratedly slumps against the doorframe. Her arms hang loose like a puppet, and he fights to smile at the sight.

“Now you’re just mocking me. But I’m not kidding.”

“Jensen-” she starts on a sigh, only for him to flop his arms out and groan.

“You don’t know how hard it is.”

She snorts, and he fights the urge to fiip her off even as she joins him on the couch and curls into his side. “You’ve been through worse things.”

He pulls his arm out from under her and sets it on her back, fingers picking at the fabric of her tank. “Yeah, like what?”

“Like watching me have sex on set.”

Jensen shivers and blinks quickly to erase the image. At the base of all things, it’s hot, hotter than hell, to see Danneel naked and writhing. But it’s not helping either of them right now to discuss it. “Thank you for reminding me.”

“No problem,” she says nonchalantly. Then she burrows closer as if that’s all they need to settle this conversation.

“I just …” He drifts off and lets his sigh sit between them.

“It could always be worse.”

“It _is_ worse. It’s the worst of the worst.” Jensen groans, pushing his head back into the couch cushion. He would pound his head right through it if possible, but he’s pretty sure that’s not what his mom meant when she called him hard-headed. “I have to watch _him_ have sex.”

“ _So_ ,” she drags out as she sits up to look at him. “Is your boss really running with the incest angle this season?”

“No, no, not that. He just, it’s Sam. It’s Sam with a girl. A werewolf.”

Danneel lifts an eyebrow. “Kinky.”

“Yeah. It’s so kinky, Jared’s been working out for weeks in prep.”

Curiosity, lust, and pain crosses her face in fast moments, which is pretty much what Jensen’s initial reaction was, too. Just how much more built could Jared get - especially while still young and working their kind of hours - then the porny images ran right through Jensen’s head, followed by the complete horror he’s had to face of Jared flexing and posing in every mirror he passes.

Jensen covers his face with his free hand and reverts back to five-year-old Jensen, where if he can’t see the world, it don’t see him. “I’m fucked.”

“I thought you liked to top.”

“I can switch,” he replies, as if he didn’t know she was still heckling him. But he knows.

She pulls his hand away from his face and tucks hers around it in her lap. “Just give it a go with him. We’re already well aware he likes you to some degree. The way he looks at you is not normal.”

“He has a girlfriend.”

“So do you,” she points out, smirking.

“Yeah, but you’re not real. He actually enjoys staring at her tits.”

Danneel pouts and then puffs out her chest. “And you don’t?”

He makes a face at her breasts just under his nose - thoughtful then confused - then rolls his eyes at himself for even considering them.

Another groan, “At the very least, maybe I’ll get fired.”

 

“So, you know it’s bad news to fall for your co-star, right? I mean, you get how monumentally this could fuck up the entire show and your contracts and both your reputations - not to mention mine. Right? You get that? You get that you - do not - fall in love - with your costar,” Eric complains.

Jensen takes a deep breath because he figures one of them should.

“You’re not a dumb guy. You’re from Texas, but you’re not stupid, right? I always thought you were the smarter of the two, and yet here we are,” Eric goes on, motioning around his office. It’s a short motion in a small space. The place isn’t any different than when Jensen saw it last year this time when they negotiated shooting schedules.

Now, however, he’s facing the neuroticism of their leader all by his lonesome.

“I get that you’re all cooped up in the middle of igloo nation and it’s just the two of you and that’s it, but it doesn’t mean you go looking for trouble in a co-worker’s pants.”

Jensen sits forward and feels like he just may be grasping onto a little idea here. “So, this is about Jeff,” he says more than asks.

“Jeff? Jeff, who? Wait, you fell in love with your dad?”

He stares at Eric pacing behind his desk. He didn’t know people really did that when not instructed to by malicious screenwriters. Eric Kripke may be making a name for himself and garnering decent respect, but he’s just five feet and a handful of inches of rail-skinny, thinning-hair fanaticism. He’s likely more in love with Sam and Dean Winchester than the girl behind the screenname BeckyWinchester4Life.

Jensen makes a confused noise. “You’re aware everything you’ve written is make-believe, aren’t you?”

Eric instantly looks off-kilter, stumbling when he makes an about-face in the middle of his path behind the desk. “What?”

“Jeff’s not my dad.”

“But you slept with him,” Eric says anyway.

“Well, I, and then he,” Jensen replies with a tight laugh. He shifts in his seat and crosses his arms like he’s amused and doesn’t give a shit. “Sleeping is a relative idea.”

Eric sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. Jensen gets an odd sensation that Dean is most definitely, entirely ripped out Eric’s wet dream for the man he wishes he could be, because it’s often Jensen’s sure Dean’s mannerisms are torn right from Eric’s life. Except with a cooler car, hotter chicks, and a hell of a lot more bravado.

But Jensen likes to think that last part is thanks to him.

He’s also like to think that Dean would give him more slack for screwing around with a co-worker who’s not so bad on the eyes.

“You _do not_ fall in love with your costar,” Eric says slowly, roughly, as if it’s paining him to have this conversation.

“I’m not in love with Jeff.”

“With Jared, you idiot. You’ll kill the whole fucking show, alright?”

Jensen’s eyes widen and his mouth cracks open as he feels his nightmare creeping up on him and his job being tugged away from his warm, sweaty hands.

“You really think anyone’ll watch if you keep making goo-goo eyes at him?”

It takes a second for Jensen to act like it’s not bothering him. “When was I making goo-goo eyes at him?”

“When aren’t you?!”

“Right now,” Jensen replies, just to be an asshole. Because he’s not exactly happy about this conversation right here.

“You were being an idiot at the Teen Choice Awards, having him hang all over you like a goddamn ape.”

“I don’t see how that’s my fault, he did that -”

“ _Don’tfallinlovewithyourcostar!_ ” Eric yells.

Jensen leans back in his seat and takes a deep breath. There are far too many thoughts and ideas and worries going through his head that he can’t do much more than stand, head out, and say, “Message received.”

And it is. The message has been loud and clear ever since he met Jared. 

Jared is handsome and hilarious, and caring, and shameless, and warm and adorable. He has an irresistible charm for women and men alike - some want to be with him and others want to be his best friend. He’s also in a relationship with a very feminine woman, which absolutely confirms his sexuality.

Jensen is well aware of all of this, and yet he still fell for his co-star. He knows it’s bad news, awful luck, insane to continue on with their friendship strengthening along the way. But Jensen also can’t _not_ be Jared's friend. Aside from ruining the show, Jensen just knows his life would be a little bit duller not having Jared’s presence after experiencing the hazy glow he leaves in his wake.

So, yeah, Jensen loves Jared more than what Jared thinks when they look at each other. Jensen hides it well. He’s a fucking actor, and he can play it cool and joke with his friend without giving away his big secret. It happens. Typical modern fairy tale: fall in love with your best friend who’s dating the head cheerleader. 

Life goes on, Jensen can survive.

Still, falling in love with his co-star could be the stupidest thing Jensen has ever done. He’s dated guest stars, flirted his way around extras all the time, but not a full-time, side-by-side co-star.

He wonders if he can get Jared demoted to a recurring character

  


He’s back on set within the hour and the first person who really catches his attention is Jared. Which is just…bad news on all fronts. Because it could mean Eric was fucking right, and Jensen refuses to acknowledge that possibility.

“I heard Eric chewed your hide,” Jared mumbles round a big chew of a Twizzler.

“Yeah? For what?”

“Bein’ too pretty.” Jared grins before Jensen can actually comprehend what Jared’s said, and then Jared’s roughing his hand through Jensen’s hair as he laughs and heads off to wardrobe.

Right, because this makes it easier.

  


He plays it cool. At least, he thinks he does. He shoots Jared shitty, bored looks when Jared’s cracking stupid jokes, and he looks away before anyone can catch his smile.

He’s an actor. He’s a goddamn professional, and has been since he stepped foot in California to chase this dream. He can pretend he’s not in love with his co-star. Just like Dean pretends he doesn’t love his brother…or something.

The acting works. Especially when Jeff is back, and the three of them have to spend days on end in the hospital set. 

Jensen just stalks around the room with Dean talking to himself, watching Sam and John argue, and there’s something stewing in Jensen’s stomach that says it’s more than just Sam there. 

He wouldn’t say so, would leave Jared be. The guy’s probably just sinking low into Sam’s headspace right now, with Dean on his deathbed and John acting weird. But then Jeff has to get into it.

“Hey, kiddo,” Jeff’s low voice rumbles behind Jensen. 

Jensen doesn’t flinch; he’s proud of that fact. Though he is slow to turn around. And to force a smile on his face. “I’m pretty sure we’re way past the kiddo stage,” he jokes.

Jeff chuckles, scratches at the edge of his beard, and lets out a long breath. “Yeah, speaking of…” Instead of finishing that, Jeff glances across the room where Jared and Kim are discussing a new approach to the Sam-John fight.

“Are you moving onto him next? Pretty sure that’ll be a hard sell.”

It’s supposed to be a joke, but Jensen can’t deny the ugly twist in his stomach considering Jared with another guy. 

He can compartmentalize Jared and women, because that’s what’s realistic. Another man… just, no.

Jeff eyes Jensen and sort of _hmphs_ in this fatherly way. It’s very creepy. Jensen’s not up for lectures, especially from someone he knows as _intimately_ as he does Jeff. “I’m just saying. It’s weird. How he’s behaving. He’s pushing too much here.”

Just then, Jared glances over at them, gaze not quite reaching Jeff but definitely Jensen. Jensen tugs his ear lobe and rubs the side of his neck, unsure where this nervous energy is coming from. Still, he admits, “I’m aware.”

Never one to be subtle, Jeff points between Jared and Jensen then swiftly walks off to craft services.

Jensen rolls his eyes then bites his lower lip when Jared approaches him, looking far too weirded out for words.

“So uh, he’s been odd,” Jared says quickly, and it’s so obvious that he’s nervous as hell to even say it.

“I’d say it’s you, Big Bird,” Jensen shoots back.

Jared looks deeply offended and rattles off, “You’re Big Bird, Big Bird.”

“Oh, _smooth_.”

“Shut up.”

“Yep, still smooth.” Jensen starts to smile, thankful they’re not talking about Jeff. Shit, even the not-talking about Jeff is killing him, so at least there’s something else on their minds now. 

Jared stands tall, proud even, and juts out his chest. “You just wait. I’ll show you exactly how smooth I can be.”

There’s a small flutter in Jensen’s chest, and more than an ounce of truth when he says, “Been waiting since last year.”

“Oh, really?” Jared asks, lifting an eyebrow.

It only feels a little awkward, so Jensen sweeps it under the rug. He figures it’s better than Jared side-eying him and Jeff.

  


It gets fishier when they start up 02.03, Bloodlust, and meet their guest of the week.

Sterling Brown is six-foot flat. He makes Jensen feel tall. He also makes Jensen feel like he’s funnier than hell, because Sterling’s sense of humor relies less on fart jokes and snot rings, and more on witty rejoinders and mumbled side bars.

The three of them - Jared, Jensen, Sterling - they get along. Pretty damn well, actually, considering Sterling’s Gordon aims to kill without question and even gives Sammy a watchful look every so often.

Yet it’s Jared’s watchfulness that alarms Jensen. In between scenes, Jensen goes for natural, stretching his neck, tipping his head closer to Jared, and mumbling. “You alright, man?”

“Yeah, I’m good,” Jared insists.

It sounds empty so Jensen gives him a look.

“So, you like Gordo, huh?” Jared tries to joke. And fails.

Jensen suddenly recognizes his greatest fear. That now Jared knows - _knows knows_ \- he will question any guy in a two-block radius for Jensen. “Gordo?”

Jared shrugs, like he couldn’t give a shit, but it’s obvious he does. And then Jensen’s reminded of the beautiful moment they shared with Jeff last season, when their faux-dad tripped out of Jensen’s trailer to Jared’s shock.

“You think because I talk to a guy, I automatically like him?”

Jared chuckles. “I don’t know. He’s kinda tall, dark, and handsome.”

Jensen’s eyebrow goes high and he feels giddy with the chance to whip it back at Jared. “You think Sterling’s handsome? Do you think I should ask him out? See if he’ll go to Homecoming with me?”

“Oh, fuck off,” Jared says, shoving Jensen away and moving on to his next scene.

  


Two days later, Jensen’s on set hours before he’s on the schedule. He’s watching the bustle of everything around him, people flushing the set with props and lights and scripts. He can’t not want to be here, especially to watch filming. He feels something crawl into his chest and tickle with the excitement around him.

That excitement twirls down into his stomach as he watches Jared trip into a bad fall during a fight sequence. When Jared gets back up, he’s clenching his fingers in and out with the tiniest wince marring his face.

Jensen reads it instantly and stands up from his director’s chair. He can’t not watch Jared, feels himself closing in as Jared walks away from the cameras, wrenching his hands over each other but being careful when he moves his left hand.

“You okay?” Jensen asks the second Jared’s within earshot.

Jared’s head picks up quickly and his eyebrows draw together in confusion. “Yeah, I’m good.”

“Lemme see,” Jensen says before he realizes it. Even sooner, he carefully grabs at Jared’s wrist with one hand, the other spreading under Jared’s palm and nudging the fingers apart. Jared hisses and Jensen finds his eyes. “I don’t think you’re okay.”

Jared grunts and tries to pull his hand away; Jensen won’t let him. “Thank you, Dr. Ackles.”

Jensen’s set to bitch back or dig into Jared and mock him. Instead, he cups his hand beneath Jared’s so it rests easily. “You should get it looked at.”

“Got four more set-ups today.”

“They can wait.” Jared looks skeptical and Jensen softens his eyes in pleading.

Jared tips his head, just like one of his dogs, and stares at Jensen.

“We can wait, Jared.”

  


Turns out Jared can wait, too. He waits so long to get his hand looked at that the break sets badly and he has to get it fixed up and casted for weeks.

Jensen frowns in sympathy, but it doesn’t last long. Not when Jared’s struggling to grab props and handle a shovel. It’s damn hilarious to watch now.

“Can I sign your cast?” Jensen asks, all fake curiosity. “I wanna write you a love note so you can read it every night and morning, and know how much I worry and care about your stupid fucking arm that you wouldn’t take care of.”

Jensen just might really know the words for that note.

“You’re an asshole,” Jared replies with a rough laugh.

Jensen laughs with him. “Yeah, I know. You don’t know why you stick around.”

“It’s ‘cause you make me look good.”

“Not so much now,” Jensen says with a quick tug of Jared’s pinky.

  


The vibe has changed, from Season 1. The scripts are tighter, funnier, more clever. The set buzzes with energy as the whole crew just nails every day back to back because they’re growing together and making this the Little Show That Can and Does.

There are new locations, sharp guest stars, melodramatic twists, and, in a set-up that incorporates them all, shared holidays back in Texas.

“You’re bringing…Jared?” Jensen’s mom asks over the phone days before he’s set to fly home for break.

“No, I’m not bringing him,” he insists as he roams his hotel room, kicking at a leg on the luggage rack beside the TV. “He’s just…he’s coming down, too. He insisted.”

“I didn’t know you were making friends on set.”

“What? I have lots of friends on set.”

“Oh,” she says awkwardly. “I didn’t realize it was that kind of show.”

It takes a moment, but then he gets it. It’s his mother’s way of going around without venturing into the issue, and still trying to crack a joke. “No, I’m not. We’re not. It’s not that.”

It doesn’t matter, really, once they’re all down there. Jared and his family fit alongside Jensen and his own on Christmas Eve to a massive feast everyone’s chipped in for with a warm dish or two.

Even Sandy. Little, bubbly, adorable, warm, _female_ Sandy, tucked into Jared’s side and smiling sweetly at Jensen.

Jensen returns it, turning on his acting chops. He has to look away, though, when Jared tugs her in tight with his mammoth hand curling around her ribcage and kisses the side of her head.

He can’t fill his glass of wine fast enough. At least he appears festive when he raises it with his, joins the family toast, and immediately tips it into his mouth.

  


All during dessert, Sandy and Jared recount their plans for Hawaii in the summer.

Jensen studies the wine bottle and wishes it were Jack, Johnny, or Jose.

Maybe there’s some in his old man’s liquor cabinet.

  


He’s fumbling with the latch on the cabinet when someone flicks the back of his ear then shoves him to the side, making him stumble down to his knee.

“I was gonna-” Jensen complains.

“You’re useless,” Jared mumbles, but he’s smiling and Jensen tries to not count it as a win.

Instead, Jensen raises the mental force-field he’s spent all week perfecting in anticipation of facing Jared being adorable with his family and Sandy. Mostly Sandy.

Jared gets the cabinet open and pulls a bottle out as he glances behind Jensen for company. They’re tucked into the corner of Jensen’s dad’s study and even with the door wide open, there isn’t much noise or threat for interruptions. Jensen slides down to sit next to Jared where’s leaning against the wall beside the cabinet.

Before Jensen knows it, Jared has opened a bottle of whiskey, taken a slug, and pushed it into Jensen’s hands. Jensen stares at the label, thankful and scared at the same time. He wanted to drink because of Jared, not _with_ him. He sips quickly and passes it off.

“Sure hope you’re not driving,” Jensen murmurs, eyes right on Jared’s lips sealed tight around the lip of the bottle.

When Jared sucks in a breath with the whiskey burn, Jensen tears his eyes away and takes the bottle back.

“Nah, I’m not,” Jared replies. His voice is rough with liquor and _doing things_ to Jensen’s resolve. “Your mama already gave us Josh’s old room.”

Jensen nods because it’s right to do, even if he hates the idea of Jared _and_ Sandy crashing here, tonight.

He doesn’t hate her - he rather likes her. He just doesn’t like that she stands for Jared’s healthy heterosexuality.

They pass the bottle back and forth, but neither speaks a word. It’s eerie and quiet, yet soft and familiar. Especially when Jared rings his arm over Jensen’s shoulders and leans into him like they belong right there, just the two of them, together on Christmas Eve.

  


Jensen wakes in the middle of the night to vomit. He tells himself it was too much food mixed with even more liquor.

He ignores the tell-tale squeaks in the room next door.

  


“Alright, I got it!”

Jensen whips around to see Jared shaking his head, rolling his eyes, and hastily waving one of the wardrobe assistants off. He tugs the edges of Sam’s jacket and blows out a long breath that flips his hair off his forehead.

Jared suddenly glares at Jensen and widens his arms. “You ready or what?”

_Well_ , Jensen thinks angrily, because he’s not about to take attitude from Jared. He hasn’t before, he won’t now. Not when Jensen’s nerves are already frayed from watching Jared flirt with Emmanuelle, both as Sam and as himself.

“Dude, chill out,” Jensen brushes off.

“Don’t _dude_ me.”

Jensen puts his hand out, wanting to ask so many questions, because his patience is already nearly non-existent, and Jared acting out right now in front of the whole crew isn’t going to help. “Can we just get back to doing our jobs?”

“Oh, like I’m not pulling my weight?”

“Did I say that?”

“Practically,” Jared snaps back.

Jensen walks up to Jared and lowers his voice, but lets a lot of frustration and irritation through. “Why don’t you chill out and get back-”

“Why don’t you just stay out of my way?”

“You’re being a dick right now, you know that?”

Jared stares Jensen down, and Jensen refuses to budge.

Jensen is suddenly very aware of the silence on set. He’s perfectly capable of stepping back, shrugging it off, and jumping back into Dean. Except that Jared’s flaring nostrils and pissy little brow is challenging Jensen to stand his ground.

“Oh, fuck you,” Jared angrily sighs and walks off set, likely to his trailer.

Most everyone is watching Jared leave and Jensen finds Kim staring back at him.

“You girls okay?” Kim asks.

“Whatever,” Jensen grumbles and he stalks away, too.

In his trailer, Jensen stews. Fuck Jared and his bitchiness. His childlike impatience and temper. Screw Jared for being too damn likable and now hateable in the same minute, because Jensen’s sure if he didn’t have these deep of feelings for Jared, this moment wouldn’t be even a tenth as aggravating as it is right now.

They’ve had tiny pissing matches on set with all their hours spent together, little annoyances that dig into each other. But 99.9% of the time, they’re brushed away with a crappy joke or raised eyebrow. This feels completely different from every other misunderstanding they’ve ever had.

Though Jensen recognizes his stubbornness all the same. He’s been bending to Jared for nearly two years now. Sadly, he admits it’s been often of his own willingness. Like there’s no other option; there’s nothing he’d rather do. His want to follow Jared, be around and a part of his life, isn’t the healthiest thing to do when he’s carrying this unrequited love, but Jensen has to make a stand somewhere.

That feeling is so strong that when there’s knocking at the door, he refuses to budge from the game of Madden on his flat screen. There are another quick three taps followed by a quieter fourth, and he knows it’s Jared.

Once the door opens, Jensen drops his controller to the coffee table and rolls his eyes up to Jared.

“Dude, I’m sorry,” Jared mumbles.

“Don’t _dude_ me.”

Jared chuckles lightly. “Alright, that was a total dick comment.”

“Total,” Jensen agrees with a nod and small smile. He can feel that stubbornness quickly wane and he’s almost partly annoyed with himself for it.

“I’m just tired.”

“We’re always tired.”

“I’m _more_ tired,” Jared insists. “And I hate fighting. Especially with you.”

The way it all comes tumbling out sort of shocks Jensen, but then he reminds himself that it’s Jared. Once the guy has his thoughts straight, they usually just tumble out of his big mouth. “Yeah, let’s not do that again,” Jensen agrees.

“C’mon,” Jared says and then drags Jensen off the couch and pulls him into a hug.

It’s suffocating, given the tightness of Jared’s arms and the scent of his cologne and the warmth of his body. Jensen can’t handle it for much longer and he pushes Jared away. “Alright, you big baby.” He shoves Jared towards the door and snorts. “Now you gotta go kiss and make up with Kim for being a diva on his set.”

“I’m all over it.”

  


“I liked Jared,” Jensen’s dad slips into the middle of an hour-plus phone call one chilly Sunday in February.

Jensen waits to speak and eloquently says, “Okay.”

His dad clears his throat, and in a way, Jensen wants to stretch this out as long as possible. Just for the torture. And laughs. “He seems like a very special friend.”

“Special.”

“Mmhmm.”

Jensen smirks. “Like Stacey Myers in second grade.”

“Yeah, kinda like that. I was certain you were in love with her.”

“I was seven.”

“And a nice boy,” his dad jokes.

“You know nothing’s going on with Jared, right?”

“Yes, of course, yes,” his dad says quickly. After a short silence, he adds, “But you did bring him to Christmas.”

“Did you notice his girlfriend sitting next to him?”

Instead of following that, his dad says, “Well, if you ever, you know, had a good friend, like that, it’d be okay.”

Jensen breathes deep, stares at the ceiling, and tries not to wince. This is his dad doing his best, and no matter how vague his family gets, or how much they side-step, Jensen knows they still care to some effect. “You’re killing me here, Dad.”

“I’m just saying.”

He huffs and shakes his head. “Yeah, you’re always just saying.”

Before his dad can say more, Jensen’s phone beeps. He glances at the display to find a ridiculous, wide-eyed, slack-jawed picture Jared had taken of himself and stuck as his photo ID on the phone.

Awful timing. _Really_ awful timing.

“You still there?” his dad asks.

“Yeah.” Jensen tries to ignore the draw of Jared on the other line, each little beep creeping under his skin. Still, he says, “I got another call. Can I let you go?”

“Hot shot’s all busy up in Canada,” he teases.

Jensen chuckles and says bye to his dad and hello to Jared.

“What’re you doing? I’m bored,” Jared says fast and easy.

He glances around his hotel suite and tries to identify something else to do with himself. Either way, it’s impossible to say no to Jared. He kind of hates it, even if he smiles.

“What’ve you got in mind?”

  


In February, it’s confirmed that John Winchester will return. It’s in ghost-form, but he’ll be crawling out of hell to help his boys. Jensen appreciates the symbolism. Jared doesn’t seem to appreciate the idea at all.

“He apologized to Sam, went to hell for Dean,” Jensen explains, as if Jared wasn’t there for that episode. He opens his hands across the bar-top table of the dingy lounge they met up in for a drink after they’d both read through the final two scripts of the season. “He comes topside to save them both. What’s your issue?”

“I don’t have an issue with it.”

Jensen watches Jared fidget and look off to the side. Big fat liar, that guy. “Then what? Are you afraid of dying? Coming back to life? You’re like the chosen one, resurrected by big brother Dean.”

“I don’t know if I should be offended by that comparison.”

“Take it or leave it, but you’re a total sourpuss right now.” Jensen huffs under his breath and takes a long sip from his pint of beer.

Jared sighs, tips his face to the ceiling, and then drops his head to stare at Jensen. He seems annoyed and worried at the same time. “The last time I saw him, he was with you and... you know,” he says flatly, motioning at a finger at Jensen.

Jensen stops in the middle of another swallow, crisp draft beer going lukewarm in his mouth. He works his throat to swallow the rest down and carefully sets his glass to the table. “It’s not a big deal,” Jensen says as level as possible. Jared had said he was cool about it, has been cool since Jensen came out to him. But maybe the whole matter was shoved under the rug until now. “It was just that one time.”

Jared shakes his head quickly and keeps his eyes on his glass as he gulps down a quarter of his beer. “Of course it’s not a big deal.”

“But you’re acting like it is.”

“I’m not trying to?” Jared replies with a small shrug. Now he looks terribly uncomfortable and it makes Jensen so, too. Suddenly Jared laughs and he shrugs more animatedly. “Look, I’d probably feel the same way if you slept with Sam and I had to face you two in the same room again.”

Jensen thinks about it and decides they don’t need to keep discussing the Jeff issue. He doesn’t want to. “Which Sam?”

“I don’t know.” Jared thinks for a few moments, holding his beer up to his mouth. “I think I’d actually like to imagine you and Ferris together. That woman would kick your ass.”

Jensen chuckles, glad they’re past the strangeness of the last hour. “Do you often imagine me having sex?”

Jared spits beer back into his glass, some of it splashing up to his face.

Jensen grins triumphantly and finishes his own beer.

  


In March, the crew brings out a cake to the makeshift Prison Yard. For his 30th, Jensen gets a few dozen burly, mean-faced extras singing to him. The jumpsuits really make it memorable.

Then he sees Jared’s wide grin, his bright eyes, and those humongous hands clapping with the rest of the set at the end of their off-key _Happy Birthday_. Jensen finds himself staring at Jared for so long that the cake is jostled into his bare arms to get his attention.

Jensen glances around the yard and rolls his eyes, even when he’s bubbling with warm feelings on the inside. He more than appreciates the well wishes. Still, he shakes his head and grumbles, “Y’all are so cute, ya know?”

“Make a wish!” someone calls out.

“Wish for Depends!” Jared calls out. A second later, he raises his voice an octave or two, “Yeah, you old man.”

“Oh, I am gonna,” Jensen grumbles as he slips through the crowd and jumps Jared.

They have enough training that they’re safe about it, but Jensen smoothly, quickly rolls Jared over to his side and wraps an arm around Jared’s torso and the other around his neck, then his own legs around Jared’s to keep him in place. Jared’s fighting to get out of the hold, laughing the whole time. He doesn’t get very far at all, and Jensen tightens his arms and legs just a little.

“Who’s the old man now?” he grunts in Jared’s ear.

Jared instantly goes tense and Jensen thinks back to Jared’s hatred for being tied up. Just as quickly, Jared goes loose and then slowly shifts when Jensen lets him up.

When they’re both standing, the crew is a mix of amused and annoyed by the ruckus. Jensen chuckles then yelps when Jared smacks him on the ass. “Let’s go, old man! We’ve got a show to make.”

  


Jensen knew filming 2.21 would be bad. But he didn’t expect it to be the biggest freaking motion of hitting the nail on the head.

Jensen’s getting in too deep filming Sam’s death. He knows he shouldn’t be going this far into himself. Yet he also knows it’s the most efficient way to get the scene done and to get it done right.

While the crew sets up, Jensen stays by the Impala. He leans against the side of the car with his arms bent across the top and his head buried in them. He forces himself into stricken breathing. He covers his head with his hands, burrowing down and thinking up the worst realities for him at this moment.

He doesn’t see the buildings for the sets, the pale moonlight for a strobe, or the cameras off to far end of the lot. When they call action, he turns and runs forward, shouting as Dean for his brother, but it’s Jared. He sees Jared stumbling forward. Hears Jared call for Dean. Feels a phantom strike of the knife in his own back, feels Jared’s spine tear apart, feels Jared’s life wither away.

When Dean drops down to his brother, pulling him forward, checking the wound, it’s really Jensen yanking on Jared, shaking him back to life with no luck.

Jensen clutches Jared, squeezes the last breaths out of him, and imagines this is real. He doesn’t imagine Sam dying. It’s Jared.

The tumble of his stomach and spike of his heartbeat is so goddamn real, Jared dying might as well be.

It doesn’t matter when they call cut. Jensen still feels it deep in his gut. And it doesn’t matter when they’re done for the day with hard slaps on the back and Jared’s smile keeping him company on the ride back to their places.

For the first time in a long time, Jensen says no to Jared. He doesn’t want to go hang at Jared’s and play Madden. He doesn’t want to sit around, shooting the shit and drinking wine or beer or even tequila. All he wants to do is go back to his hotel, drop into bed, and sleep until tomorrow.

He wakes in the morning to the rough scrape of yesterday’s jeans and the stale smell of his undershirt. His eyes burn from the contacts he never bothered removing. When he gets to the bathroom, he blames the contacts for how red and scratchy his eyes look. His sunken skin and cracked smile say otherwise, tell him he should know better than to lie to himself.

Seems like Jared’s not buying it either because once Jensen’s in the SUV to head back to set, Jared’s watching him every few minutes. Jensen slips a finger behind his sunglasses to itch the corner of his eye. When Jared keeps looking, Jensen mumbles. “What now?”

“You look like shit, man.”

“Thank you very much,” he replies.

“Did you go out drinking all night?”

“No.”

Jared rests his arm on the back of the bench seat and lightly drums his fingers at Jensen’s back, a steady little _tap-tap-tap_. It’s strangely comforting – not annoying like it usually is. It reminds Jensen that they were acting yesterday, and they’re both still alive. As if he had to be told twice.

“Just tired,” Jensen murmurs, leaning into Jared’s hand for the added weight of it against his neck. “It’s been a long season. A lot of stupid crying over your dumb ass,” he jokes.

Jared swats Jensen’s neck and snorts. “Last time I feel sorry for you, you dick.”

“You don’t ever have to feel sorry for my dick. My dick is quite fine.”

Laughing, Jared covers his face with a big palm and shifts towards the window. “I do not want to be thinking about your dick right now.”

Jensen manages a small smirk, glad they’re relatively normal again. “Only right now?”

“Not when I’ll be all draped in your arms.”

Right, they’re taping more coverage pre-dawn, and Jensen has to go through the horror of Jared dying again. Pushing past it, he asks, “But you’re okay thinking about my dick all other times.”

Jared laughs, bites his lip, and shakes his head as he looks away. “Don’t you wish.”

  


Filming the season two finale is the worst experience and yet the best. Kim sucks Jensen right in and protects him, gives him space, silence, whatever he needs so that Dean can break down in front of his dead brother.

For the second week in a row, Jensen dares himself to imagine he’s lost half his soul. He pours himself out in that dingy room, tears threatening to spill, voice cracking, and Jared completely still on the mattress as if he really were dead. 

It takes a few times to get it all down for coverage, but it’s solid the first time and they all know it. Jensen felt it hard enough, down into his bones. The crew filters into the room to break the scene, Jared pops up off the mattress with a warm smile, and Jensen takes a long breath. He runs his hand down his face, thumb and forefinger wiping his eyes, and he returns Jared’s soft look.

  


Jensen sees that same soft smile from everyone through the rest of filming. He tries to ignore the fact that none feel as comforting as Jared’s.

  


At the wrap party, he drinks easily, laughs lightly, and keeps up with enough conversation to not seem removed from it all. He so feels like it, though. At one point, he drifts to the edge of the crowd and lifts himself up onto a catering table. He leans back to the wall and lets his legs dangle off the sides.

He smiles to himself and watches everyone go on. He loves this place, these people, this job. He wants - needs - the break for summer, but he really doesn’t want to take it. He knows they’ve all gotten so good this season; he hates to see them stop right now.

Jared finds him some time later and passes a fresh drink before he slips onto the table right next to him. 

Jensen smiles a little. He kind of likes that Jared’s come for him. Still, he jokes, “Dude, you’re crashing my party.”

“Pretty lame party,” Jared replies. “Run by the lamest of the lame.”

“And yet you’re here. Did everyone else snuff you out?”

“Jerk.”

Jensen smirks. “Bitch.”

“Dick.”

“You ever notice you talk about dick a lot? Especially lately?”

“I figure it makes you feel better. About liking it and all.”

When Jensen turns to stare at Jared, Jared snorts through his sip then coughs when he takes a rough swallow. “Yeah, you deserve that.”

Jared laughs, nudging his leg alongside Jensen’s. His leg feels heavy and hot along the whole length of Jensen’s, and Jensen figures there’s no harm in pressing into the touch and slapping his hand down around the meat of Jared’s thigh and squeezing. They’ve both drank enough and they’re mostly out of sight now.

“You ready to kick a little La Bamba ass?” Jared asks.

Jensen smiles as he thinks about the play he’s going home for, co-starring alongside Lou Diamond Phillips. He’s excited, sure, but also dreading a whole summer working while Jared’s off doing his own thing. “Of course. How’s about you?”

Jared nods far forward and back, shoulders and body rocking with it. “I’m excited. It’ll be nice to get a break, do something different.”

Jensen hums and takes a long drink. When Jared prods his side, Jensen knows Jared wants to know what’s bugging him. Smiling, he says, “I like Sam and Dean. Kinda sucks they’re hitting their stride and we’re gonna spin our wheels all summer.”

“Even Sam and Dean need a break.”

“Yeah, well, maybe I don’t wanna give ‘em one.”

Jared’s quiet long enough that Jensen glances over and Jared’s fondly smiling at him. Suddenly, Jensen rather adores all of Jared and is reminded of the feelings he has wrapped up tight inside him. For a second, he considers leaning in and setting their smiles together, feeling Jared’s lips turn up against his own. But it’s just a flash, because he can’t have that and he’s accepted it long ago. 

“A break will do us all good,” Jared says. “We’ll come back after spending all summer missing each other and be fresh as rain.”

“You gonna miss me, Jared?” he asks, lifting his voice at the end with what he’s hoping is a cute, slightly mocking look.

Jared drops his eyes to his forgotten drink and flips his lips out. “Maybe a little.” 

“You’re so adorable when you lie,” Jensen taunts.

“Shut up,” Jared laughs. He elbows Jensen. “I’m sure you’ll be happy to be home. You’ll be selling it on stage all summer long you’ll hardly notice the time pass.”

“Yeah, I know.”

  


It doesn’t really work that way.

Of course, Jensen loves seeing his family. And he kicks ass in rehearsal, sure. He works as hard as he does when he slips into Dean’s skin, but it’s not the same. He’s not looking at Jared across the way and he’s not feeling the same familiarity and ease from these co-stars as they trade lines. 

It’s not the same, and he can’t ignore the cold pit in his stomach as time slowly creeps by.

  


The cheers at the end of opening night are encouraging and satisfying. Everything feels a little brighter.

Jensen feels a little less lost.

  


At the end of the next night’s first act, there’s a difference. Something loud and sharp off on one side of the crowd. Jensen can’t see anything beyond the stage lights and he can’t really dissect one noise from the rest.

Somehow, though, he knows what it is. He can feel it, and suddenly he’s warm all over. That chilly, dark piece of him melts away and he grins to the crowd because he can hear Jared’s voice, and goddamn, it’s good.


	3. Season 3

  


Sandy’s cheeks are pink with cold. Jared pushes a lock of her hair behind her ear and kisses her on the mouth. She’s smiling against his lips, and he knows she can’t hold it in, doesn’t want to.

“It’s shiny,” she says, holding her finger up in the air and flashing the ring. She chokes back a sob then, and Jared shushes her, kissing her again and again until her cheeks are warm. He wants to give her what she doesn’t have, a family, somewhere to belong. He’s pretty sure that she knows it, too.

“Are you sure you want to be stuck with me the rest of your life?” he asks, rubbing his nose against hers as she stands on tippy-toes to hang around his neck. The Paris skyline blinks sleepily behind her.

She looks at him then with a strangely fond expression and suddenly Jared is very much aware that this is what she had always expected to happen. That he would always come back, both to her and to the promise of their future. That nothing that has happened to Jared since he moved up to Vancouver matters much in the grand scheme of things

The fact that he might have changed doesn’t seem to mean much on this night, at the top of the Eiffel Tower, three minutes after Sandy says “yes.”

“Yes,” Sandy says again, and Jared kisses her just to stop himself from thinking.

“Hey, gorgeous,” Jared grins, sweeping Danneel up into his arms at intermission of Jensen’s play.

“Oof, put me down, you big lug,” she laughs, pushing him aside to give Sandy a quick kiss on the cheek.

Jared likes Danneel, and has as long as he’s known her, back when she was dating Riley and they met through other mutual friends. She’s smart and funny and good for Jensen, even if they both secretly know that her presence is about as romantic as his own. They don’t really talk about that though, and Sandy is still under the illusion that Danneel and Jensen are the real deal. Jared doesn’t know why he’s felt the need to keep the truth from her, although he tells himself it’s because it’s Jensen’s secret to tell, not his.

“Papa Ackles!” Jared hollers across the bar, as Jensen’s dad starts coming over to join them.

“No one could ever miss that Jared Padalecki has entered the room,” Alan grins, pulling Jared into a bear hug. Jared hasn’t seen the Ackles family since their wildly successful joint Christmas, and he suddenly realizes he’s missed them almost as much as Jensen must.

“Just part of my charm,” Jared drawls, putting on the Texas for added flair, winking at Danneel and Sandy, who just rolls her eyes and laughs. He turns to the guy tending bar and orders a round of beers and some candy.

“You’re going to rot your teeth one of these days, son,” Alan snorts, as Jared starts popping Skittles in his mouth.

“Have you been talking to my mama again? Because that is a dangerous path to take,” Jared insists through a mouthful of colored sugar.

“No, but I have, and she told me to tell Jensen to make sure you’re eating your greens,” Donna Ackles smirks, coming up from the side and yanking Jared all the way down to give him a quick kiss on the forehead.

“Like Jensen can make me do anything I don’t want to do,” Jared fake-pouts, and Danneel snorts from somewhere behind him. He looks at her quickly, and notices Sandy doing the same.

He’s saved from any oddness by the ringing of his cell phone. He looks down and sees the picture that pops up—drunk, passed out Jensen with drool trailing down one side of his mouth—and grins. He mouths “Jensen” to everyone around him and heads off into a moderately private corner to take the call.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?” Jensen demands the minute Jared answers. His voice is gruff but he sounds pleased, and it makes Jared suddenly warm all over.

“I’m not here for you, man. I just had to get away from all that fucking knitwear they’ve been sticking me in, and Dallas was the first flight out.”

Jensen laughs, the sound free and happy, and Jared knows he made the right choice sneaking down here to visit. “You just happened to wander into this little play I’m doing, huh?”

“Dude, Ritchie Fucking Valens is in this play! You need to reassess your ego, buddy.”

“And I totally watched ‘Cheaper by the Dozen’ just for Welling.”

“You had a threesome with Tom and Rosey, didn’t you? You sick fuck!”

“Nah, just Rosey and Glover.”

Jared starts laughing so hard, he almost starts choking. Three nervous looking girls clutching cameras stare at him with big eyes from a few yards away.

“Lies, lies,” Jared stage whispers to them, pointing at the phone. They giggle and clutch each other.

“I think I better let you go before this entire conversation ends up on the internet,” Jared says.

“If Danni emails me gossip about 'Smallville' orgies, I’m blaming you,” Jensen replies. Jared can feel him fucking beaming through the telephone.

“You kick the second half in the ass, you hear me,” Jared says. “Break, like, all your limbs.”

Jensen is silent for a moment, but Jared can picture the way his mouth curls up at the sides, the soft smile that he gets when he’s being serious and quiet. And how Jared has all of Jensen’s smiles catalogued is a question for a different day.

“Kiss my mama for me, okay?” Jensen says finally.

“Too late, already fought a duel with your dad and won your mother’s hand. We’re thinking of a winter wedding.”

Jared hangs up before Jensen can finishing cussing him out, but he’s smiling so hard he thinks one of the girls staring at him is on the verge of fainting.

  


“I don’t like the backyard,” Jared says, peering out the sliding glass doors. The realtor’s face falls just a bit, and it’s probably because this is the most expensive house they’ve seen yet.

“Harley would destroy those bushes,” Jensen agrees, pointing towards a lovely bunch of rose bushes that his dog would probably eat and then shit out painfully for a week.

“So, on to the next one, gentlemen?” the realtor says, and Jared grins at her brightly to lessen the blow.

“Jensen, you good with that?” Jared asks, looking at him hopefully.

“How else would I rather spend my day off?” Jensen deadpans.

Jared throws an arm around his neck and pulls him close. “I promise I’ll put out afterwards. And feed you steak.”

“Steak, huh? Why didn’t you just say so. Let’s go!”

Jared catches the realtor flushing a bit, but that somehow makes him pull Jensen even closer to him.

On Monday, they’re having lunch with Lauren on set, and talking about the three pitiful house selections they saw the day before.

“So wait, you two are looking for a house together?” she asks, delicate eyebrows raised a bit higher than usual. Her accent makes her sound even more amused than she probably is.

Jensen looks over at him quickly, and then back at Lauren. “No, you know, it’ll be Jared’s house. He has two big dogs and apartment living sucks.”

“And you are helping him pick it out?” She leaves the question sitting in the air, and Jared isn’t sure why it seems uncomfortable. Jared goes to break the weird tension.

“According to Jensen, I have shit taste, so he needs to make sure that I don’t end up living somewhere shady where I’ll get jacked by heroin addicts while running the kids.”

“Exactly,” Jensen joins in quickly, pointing his fork at Jared. “I’m saving all our jobs by making sure Jared doesn’t get killed while exercising.”

“I think it’s adorable, truly,” Lauren smirks, taking a dainty bite of chicken. “I mean, how close you two are.”

Jensen smiles at him then, one of his softer ones this time. “We’re like brothers, right Jared?”

Jared swallows hard, takes a sip of Coke to clear his throat. “Course we are.”

Lauren’s smirk gets bigger, but she doesn’t say anything else and lunch ends soon after.

  


The night Jared signs the final contract purchasing the house, he and Jensen sit on plastic lawn chairs that they bought at the drug store and drink beer as they watch the dogs careen around the backyard.

“I’m getting the biggest fucking grill I can find and we’re going to invite everyone we know and force them to eat like Texans,” Jared proclaims, gesturing with his beer bottle and spilling half of it on the ground.

Jensen wipes his face where beer has landed on it. “If you keep talking about food, I’m never going to want to go back to my apartment.”

It’s on the tip of Jared’s tongue to just say “stay here then,” but he doesn’t. This is supposed to be his home with Sandy, with their dogs and their life. It feels strange to hold the words inside though.

“I have something for you,” Jared says quickly, figuring this was as good a time as any to give Jensen the present picked up on a whim. He jumps up to grab it, before throwing it onto Jensen’s lap.

“What’s this for?” Jensen asks, surprised, putting his beer down on the ground and holding up the package.

Jared shrugs, suddenly embarrassed. “It’s just a gift, for helping me pick this place out. It’s no big deal, really.”

“Jared,” Jensen breathes as he opens it, taking out the watch tucked inside the case. “No big deal? Man, this is fucking expensive.”

Okay, so it’s a Graham Chronofighter watch, red gold series, and it is a little expensive. But Jared has a matching one and he knows that Jensen loves it, so when he saw it in the store he knew that he had to get it. Because it would make Jensen happy, and Jared wants to make Jensen happy so damn bad. But fuck if he’s going to say all that.

“Hey, I’m a big time TV star, man. Top billing on my own show and everything,” Jared smirks instead, tipping his beer back and taking a long, dramatic swallow.

Jensen looks at him for a long time, fingering the strap of the watch. Jared can almost see when he decides to just go with the teasing. “I’m totally talking to my manager about that, by the way. Just because you played some punk ass emo kid on Gilmore Girls does _not_ make you more famous than me. I mean, I was Eric Brady, that has to count for something.”

“Means you had more shower scenes than me,” Jared points out.

“You watching Youtube videos of me in the shower, Padalecki?”

“Lauren totally googled ‘twink shower scene’ on set last week and I can’t help it if your name popped up.”

Jared smells like beer for the rest of the night after Jensen dumps the rest of his on his head.

  


“I wish I could have been here to help you pick it out, but it’s perfect,” Sandy grins, swinging her arms around him after he’s finished showing her around the new house. She’s in town to shoot her role as the Crossroads demon he takes out with the Colt, a fact that she seems to find hilarious.

“Jensen helped, actually found this one himself,” Jared points out and Sandy squeezes him one more time before letting go.

“Of course he did,” she says simply, turning around to head into the kitchen.

Jared takes a couple deep breaths before he goes to let the dogs out into the completely perfect, rosebush-less backyard.

  


“So, have you heard anything about this strike going on? Any word on when it’s going to end?” Jared’s mother asks, scooping sweet potatoes onto a plate to pass down the table. It’s Thanksgiving and his parents have come up to Vancouver to celebrate and see his new house.

Jared shakes his head. The writer’s strike has put them all into limbo, and it’s a weird sensation to be shooting scripts that are set in amber. They’ve become used to Sera or Jeremy or Ben sending notes through the grapevine from Los Angeles, and revising bits and pieces of it as they go along to keep things fresh.

“Nope, everyone is just playing it by ear,” Jared replies, piling his plate high with his mama’s best giblet gravy and homemade cranberry relish.

“Jensen, I’m sorry Donna and Alan couldn’t come up to join us. It was so nice to see them last time,” his mother smiles at Jensen, handing him the plate she just finished preparing for him. Sherri Padalecki is nothing if not a fine hostess.

“I’m sure they’re sorry they missed you too, although the fact that they are on a beach in Aruba right now probably lessened the blow,” Jensen jokes, taking the plate gratefully, and making cooing noises at the food.

“Jensen, try the relish, it’s delicious,” Sandy says sweetly, one of her hands resting lightly on Jared’s thigh underneath the dining room table.

“It looks delicious,” Jensen agrees, smiling quickly at Sandy and then at the Padaleckis. “Thank you all for having me here.”

“Nonsense, we’re all family here,” Gerald says and Jared can see the color high on Jensen’s cheeks. Jared can’t help but smile, pleased that his parents have accepted Jensen so readily.

“Jensen’s a little short to be anywhere near the Padalecki gene pool,” Jared snarks, as Jensen rolls his eyes.

“Just because I’m not part Yeti—“Jensen starts.

“And part sled dog and part Hoover,” Jared finishes, grinning so hard his face hurts.

Sandy squeezes his thigh. “What about me, huh? If Jensen is short than I must be one of the Lullaby League.”

“Don’t worry honey, your kids will have the genes,” Sherri butts in.

“Sherri,” Gerald groans at his wife’s forwardness.

“What, a mother can dream,” Sherri tsks, winking at Sandy, who just beams at her from across the table.

Jared tries to catch Jensen’s eye, to laugh it off and get some eye rolling in return as backup, but Jensen’s suddenly staring rather pointedly down at his mashed potatoes so he quickly gives up.

  


“Well, well, Jared, this is terribly homoerotic of you,” Richard announces, staring up over the wall in craft services, where at least a dozen copies of Jared and Milo Ventimiglia playing gay tug-of-war stare back at him.

“Ackles!” Jared yells, scaring poor James the PA who is lurking nearby.

Jensen strolls up nonchalantly, taking in the Xeroxes on the wall. “What do you say, Dick? Do you think Jess and Dean should have just dumped Rory and hooked up after all?”

“I don’t know, Jensen. Our boy Jared here does look pretty darn happy tied up in bondage rope to this Milo kid,” Richard replies, arms crossed like he’s contemplating the question.

“You know, I punched the lisp right off of his face after this shoot?” Jared throws in cheerfully.

“Reasserting dominance, big boy. That’ll teach ‘em,” Jensen nods, turning around to stroll off as quickly as he came.

“I’ll show you who’s the big boy,” Jared shouts lamely after him.

“I bet,” Richard smirks, eyebrow cocking, and Jared can’t help but nod a little smugly at that one.

The next day, while filming the scene where Dean dies in the shower, Jensen steps out and almost falls and cracks his head from surprise when he sees the four 8’x10’ copies of Eric Brady shower scene stills taped to the mirror.

Jared laughs so hard that Dr. Pepper comes out of his nose.

“This is a very serious scene!” Jared shouts the next day, when he rolls a dead “Dean” over into his arms and finds two tiny pictures of teenage Jared wearing a puca-shell necklace taped to Jensen’s eyelids.

“Really, Jared, really?” Jensen yells a few hours later, as he pulls a picture of himself wearing a nothing but a cowboy hat out of his mouth, after it had been embedded in a killer taco.

“You look like a teen prostitute,” Kim says bluntly, taking in the motel room set that had mysteriously been papered the next day with pictures of young Jensen leaning against the side of a house and thrusting his ass out.

“I prefer ‘young adult exploring one’s sexuality’,” Jensen insists, chewing on a strawberry Twizzler with one hand cocked on his hip.

“What about that one,” Jared asks, pointing to a black and white picture of Jensen wearing half of a Superman t-shirt. “What does the half-shirt say about your sexual exploration?”

“That one says ‘I’ll blow you for $50, but please don’t mess up my pompadour’,” Kim answers for him, stealing the other half of Jensen’s Twizzler right out of his hand and walking off-set with a wave.

“You know, I think that might actually have been the photographer’s motivation,” Jensen agrees, and grins as Jared’s starts laughing hysterically.

  
[ ](http://pics.livejournal.com/tebtosca/pic/0005bg86/)  


“What are you two assholes gonna do with all this time off?” Katie asks, licking the juice from her hamburger off her fingers. She points at Malik’s onion rings with an eyebrow wiggle, and he pushes the plate towards her.

Jared finds Katie hilarious, even if he does suspect she’s a little too big into the nose candy. Of course, being born into the Partridge family would probably fuck up most people, so.

“Sleep,” Jensen shrugs, finishing off his beer and gesturing towards their waitress for another one.

They’ve just finished shooting the last script they had written before the strike, and it had been a long arduous one. At least they had great guest stars like Katie and Malik shooting with them, so it was a good one to wind down with.

“They killed my ass off, so fuck all y’all,” Malik says cheerfully, clicking his beer bottle against Jared’s.

“I died like, a hundred times. Death is irrelevant,” Jensen points out, and they all nod in agreement.

Jared has to laugh when he thinks about it. “You guys have to admit that it’s kind of cool that we work on a show where we can say that honestly.”

“At least no one sings on this damn show,” Katie scoffs, rolling her eyes and stealing another onion ring.

“Yet. I’ve been bugging Kripke for a musical episode for two seasons. I want Sam to sing emo love songs to his brother,” Jared says, batting his eyelashes at Jensen.

“So more Jared Leto than Jared Padalecki,” Katie grins.

“With less eyeliner though,” Jared laughs.

“Although Jensen would look good in makeup,” Katie points out slyly.

“Because Jensen’s a pretty, pretty princess,” Jared insists, pitching his voice two octaves up and turning around in their booth to grab a snarling Jensen by the cheeks.

“C’mon, pretty princess, gimme a kiss,” Jared coos, as Jensen starts smacking him indiscriminately on the ear.

“You two are so gay, it hurts,” Katie snorts, and Jared can feels Jensen freeze.

Malik glances back and forth between Jared and Jensen with a shrewd look in his eyes that Jared can’t quite read. “C’mon, Katie, just because the man is prettier than you, doesn’t mean nothing.”

“You’re a dick,” Katie beams up at Malik, stealing his last onion ring, but her attention is off of them and Jared breathes a little easier when he feels Jensen relaxing next to him again.

  


Jared spends a lot of time with Sandy in her house in LA after they get back from Paris. It’s cozy and domestic, the dogs curling up at the end of the bed, having coffee together on the patio every morning, and holding each other every night.

Jensen’s in Australia with Danneel, doing a promotional tour, and they are just waiting out the strike until they can get back to Vancouver and start shooting again.

When Jared had left Vancouver, he had been struck by the thought that there was a chance this was the end of all of it. No one knew how long the strike would go, and how badly it would decimate the television landscape. Suddenly everything was uncertain, and he thinks that is the moment he decided to propose to Sandy. It made sense to put those roots down, to think about his future and the one thing that was comfortable and true. And that was Sandy, lovely, sweet, reliable Sandy, who was always there when Jared needed to have something to return to.

Whenever Jared gets scared.

He feels a little guilty when he gets the call that the strike has ended, because of the overwhelming relief he feels to pack his things and get on that plane taking him up north.

  


Coming back to Vancouver is even more awesome when they start filming one of Ben’s screwball episodes, complete with actual cussing (Jensen is so happy about that he might cry a little), and the return of AJ and Travis, who are always good for a prank war or two.

Jared feels like he can finally breathe again, as if he had been holding all the air in his lungs until the very moment when he can exhale it at two in the morning on a miserably cold Canadian Fraturday. Phil is directing, and Dustin, the exhausted guest star, is dancing around the set with a party hat on as everyone laughs and groans at the same time because they all wish they were asleep at the same time that they’re thankful they even have jobs again.

Jared drags Jensen out of the car when Clif pulls up at his house at quarter to three in the morning. Jensen’s almost passed out on Jared’s shoulder, so Jared half carries him up to the door and into the guest room.

It’s not weird at all that Jared wants Jensen there with him. After all, Jensen probably doesn’t even have any food in that apartment of his, and Saturday afternoon breakfasts are Jared’s specialty.

Jensen doesn’t even react to the fact that he ended up at Jared’s house late the next morning when he pulls himself out of bed and wanders into the kitchen for a cup of coffee. He’s wearing boxers and one of Jared’s sweatshirts and just one of his socks, his hair sticking up in every direction and pillow creases in his face.

They sit across from each other at bar stools at the little island in the kitchen. Jared passes Jensen a cup of coffee just the way he likes it and smiles as Jensen makes strange moaning noises at the taste of it.

“Bitch, make me pancakes,” Jensen croaks, after he finishes draining the cup.

Jared smiles wider.

Relief. That’s all it is.

  


Katie mocks them mercilessly during filming of the season finale, mainly over the fact that Jared and Jensen are going to both be shooting horror movies during hiatus.

“Two words for you: 'Black Christmas',” Jared says, tapping her forehead with his index finger.

She attempts to bite it and Jensen snorts from the corner of the set where he is chomping noisily on mini Toblerones.

“Are you sure you’re not playing Jason? I mean, you kind of have that Frankenstein walk going on for you,” Katie keeps on, pushing him back with both hands.

“Thems fightin’ words!” Jared drawls, blocking as she attempts to kick box him in the groin. He makes what he thinks in his head is an awesome Bruce Lee type kung-fu movie sound, as he picks her up and throws her over his shoulder.

“Sexual harassment! Help!” she shrieks, pounding on his back.

Jared feels a mini-Toblerone hit the back of his head and twirls Katie around in circles while ducking the chocolate attack from Jensen.

“I’m suing Warner Brothers!” she keeps on, but she’s laughing, so Jared keeps spinning.

  


The mood changes drastically the day they shoot Dean’s actual death scene. The day before they were acting stupid while filming promo spots for the CW, Jensen breaking into Jared’s interview to attack him with candy and grope his ass. Katie even got caught teaching poker to the little girl playing Lilith, much to the chagrin of the girl’s mother and the WB lawyer visiting the set.

But today is different, and Jared tries to figure out a way to channel that kind of grief. He asked Jensen how he did it when he was shooting the finale in season two, but Jensen seemed to clam up when Jared tried to push for details. Jared doesn’t know what to make of that, but he understands that everyone’s process for accessing that kind of emotion is a personal thing.

The show got an early renewal, so they know that they’re coming back and the threat of that loss is not over their heads. It should be a good thing, but at this moment Jared wishes he had that kind of uncertainty to pull from to help him play this scene.

He doesn’t end up needing it after all.

Jared holds Jensen in his arms, and it’s enough.

It’s weird driving home that night, but Clif doesn’t even blink when Jensen gets out at Jared’s house one more time. Jared heats up a pizza from the freezer, grabs two beers from the fridge, and joins Jensen on the couch. They don’t talk as they watch a special on sharks that Jared DVR’ed because he knew Jensen would like it.

Jared finds himself doing a lot of things because he knows Jensen will like it, and vice versa. He doesn’t think he’s ever been quite so attentive to his actual brother.

Jared chews the pizza and tries to focus on the sharks.

  


Austin is an amazing city, and Jared’s thrilled that he gets to film his movie there. Especially when he gets to mock Jensen for shooting in Pittsburgh, of all places.

The filming is brutal, though working on an action show like "Supernatural" has prepared him for the physicality of the role. He’s doing a Jason movie, so it’s not rocket science, but he tries his best to put his best foot forward. Jared’s not stupid, and he knows that this is his shot at the big time, the exposure of a major franchise right there for the taking. His manager Dan keeps telling him that if this movie hits at the box office, it could be the first step towards action hero success.

Jared thinks he wants that, can’t fathom a reason why he wouldn’t want it. But he thinks about it sometimes in the same way that he thinks about marrying Sandy—as something that is good for him and his future. As something that he should want, but isn’t always certain he does.

Jared realizes that he misses Jensen like a phantom limb, even though they talk nearly every day. Jensen will crank call him at all hours, even managing to get his co-star Kerr involved to taunt him about competing box offices. Jared insists that they must not be working very hard if they have time to call and harass him.

Then other times Jared will want to call Jensen. Want to call and tell him about his day, or something funny he read, or about how bone-tired he is. Jared knows he should be calling Sandy about things like that, and most of the time he does, because it’s what’s expected.

But he _wants_ to call Jensen, and Jared doesn’t quite know how to deal with that.

  


Sandy comes to visit him in Austin and everything is great at first. He manages to get the full weekend off and they explore the city and eat like pigs and go dancing at a jazz club. Well, she dances and he kind of flails while she laughs at him.

The dancing brings things back around that night while they are in bed, cuddled up post-coital. 

“Austin’s a great city,” she hums against his neck.

“Yeah, it’s awesome,” Jared agrees, eyes closing lazily.

“I could see us living here, you know. Maybe I could open up my studio, we could buy a house,” Sandy keeps going. “Together.”

“That’s a long way away, San.”

She pulls out of his arm just enough to prop her chin up on his chest. “Well, it’s our future, right? Maybe we should start thinking about it.”

Jared realizes then that he doesn’t want to think about the future anymore. He hasn’t even hit his twenty-sixth birthday yet. He wants a chance to enjoy the present before he has to change into the someone that will make sense in the future.

He’s pretty sure he makes the decision right then and there, but it takes him a couple of days to get up the courage to completely change their entire lives.

“Did I do something wrong?” Sandy asks him stiffly. She’s sitting on his couch trying to process the fact that he’s just told her he doesn’t think he can marry her.

“God, no, Sandy, you are perfect,” Jared says quickly, firmly. Because no matter what else happens, this is about Jared himself, about growing up and staying true to himself, and not just doing what other people expect him to do. 

“I thought I was ready, I swear I did, and I wanted to make you happy so badly. But I just don’t think I can be what you need me to be.”

Sandy looks at him for a long time without saying anything. Jared wants to know what she’s thinking, or wants her to yell, or hit him, or just react.

“I would have waited for you, Jared. I did wait for you,” she says finally. She rubs her hand across her mouth, a nervous gesture that he always found endearing.

“I know you did,” Jared replies, and he does know it. Sandy’s always waiting on him, but Jared doesn’t think she should have to anymore.

She looks at him with big, dark eyes, eyes that are strangely dry. He thinks she might have known this was coming, even if neither of them wanted to admit it. “I want to hate you, Jared, but I love you, so I can’t. A part of me will always love you.”

He moves to touch her then, but she holds up her hand to keep him away.

“I’m gonna leave now, Jared,” she says quietly, standing up and smoothing invisible wrinkles out of her pants. “You make sure you listen to Jensen when he tells you to eat your greens.”

Jared has the decency to flinch as she walks out the door.

  


Jared is strangely relieved when Jensen cancels his appearance at the Dallas convention because he gets stuck filming. He figures he should announce to everyone that the wedding is off, to rip the band-aid off, so to speak, but having Jensen there when he does it feels a little too weighty.

Jensen must have told his parents about it, however, because the Ackles show up in the green room at the convention for moral support. Jensen’s mama smells like gardenias when Jared hugs her, and he convinces himself that the pinpricks behind his eyes are just allergies.

He finishes filming the movie, battered and bruised, and while he knows he should go back to Vancouver and rest up before filming starts, he can’t quite face seeing Jensen yet. Instead, he agrees to fly all the way to Sydney to attend a pop culture exposition.

He doesn’t talk to Jensen at all that week, and he realizes that’s the first time that has happened since they shot the pilot.

Whatever it’s supposed to accomplish, it doesn’t work, and when he touches down in Vancouver, the very first thing he does is call Jensen and invite him over for dinner the minute he gets in.

“I’m sorry about Sandy,” Jensen says, and it’s the first they’ve spoken about it since the original phone call where Jared broke the news.

The night up to that point had been the most comfortable, happy one that Jared’s had in ages. They grilled steaks and corn on the cob, and demolished a case of beer and half a cherry pie with vanilla ice cream.

Jared sees Jensen sitting on the couch, Sadie’s head balanced on his lap. It feels right, them like this, comfortable, together. It doesn’t have to mean anything—they’re buddies, brothers. It doesn’t have to mean anything at all.

“Move in here with me,” Jared blurts out, ignoring Jensen’s condolences.

Jensen goes stiff on the couch next to him, and then slowly starts petting Sadie’s head again, scratching right behind the ears in the way that he knows she likes.

Because Jensen does know all of this. He’s already in Jared’s life in almost every way a person could be without fucking being involved. And, really, fucking only gets a person in trouble anyway, who needs it?

“What?” Jensen asks, his voice low.

Jared looks around at his house, his home, the one that he thought would be filled with Sandy’s laughter and the patter of dogs and children. The house that is too big for him now.

“I’m lonely here, Jensen.”

He doesn’t mean to say it, but he does.

Jensen turns to look at him, processing something in his mind, and Jared wonders if he’s just managed to fuck up the best non-relationship relationship he’s ever had in his life.

“Okay,” Jensen says, and Jared lets out the breath he didn’t know he was holding.


	4. Season 4

  


They’re both warm and tinged red from all the sun. Jensen feels drained from the all-day event, the Soap Box Derby, and he’s happy they’re kicking back tonight with beers and burgers. 

Moving around each other in the kitchen has become an unconscious thing, and Jensen doesn’t think anything of Jared leaning in and over to grab seasonings from the cabinet next to Jensen’s head. He doesn’t shift away anymore - like when first realizing his feelings for Jared. This is all natural now and Jared doesn’t shrink away either. 

“Onions?” Jared asks, and Jensen goes on automatic to the fridge. He peels and slices some rings for their sandwiches, and follows it up with tomatoes without Jared even mentioning it.

He grabs a large brick of American cheese and slices thick pieces, to Jared’s liking. At the same time, Jared brings a plate of burgers back from the deck, tapping a couple to the side. “Rare...ish,” Jared says as he spins the plate so those are nearest Jensen. 

Jensen smiles and grabs all that he needs from what he’s gathered on the counter to get his burger together, and Jared’s arms thread around Jensen’s as he does the same. 

Living in Jared’s space is easy, makes them both happy. Jared’s smiles are brighter than they’ve been since he and Sandy were through. 

Jensen doesn’t bother believing he’s had anything to do with that aside from being good company and a great friend. 

A few beers and hours later, they’re sprawled on Jared’s couch, each sticking to a corner but their legs spilling across the cushions between them. Jared’s foot presses against Jensen’s thigh and Jensen rolls his head against the back cushion to glance at Jared. 

Jared’s not even looking at him, just keeping his eyes on the TV, so Jensen lets it go. Except, it happens again and Jensen chuckles into the neck of his bottle. “Dude, stop playing footsie.”

“But you’re all warm,” Jared jokes, sliding his toes under Jensen’s thigh. 

“Just ‘cause you’re not getting it regularly does not mean you jump your roommate.”

“You’re more than a roommate.” Jensen looks over at that and lifts an eyebrow. “You’re my housewife.”

“Oh really?” Jensen asks, deadpan.

“Yeah,” Jared insists, stretching his leg and pushing his foot harder into Jensen’s thigh. “You take care of my kitchen and keep my belly full.”

He watches Jared rub over his stomach, slipping his hand under his shirt to scratch a little, and damn if Jensen didn’t wish it would be his own hand there. Some days, these things creep up on him. 

Jensen sighs and chuckles to lighten the moment. “Young kid like you needs his nutrients.”

“Just ‘cause you’re old-”

“I prefer refined.”

Jared laughs and smacks Jensen’s leg. “Yeah, okay, pops.”

“Someone’s gotta watch out for you,” he replies, and belatedly realizes he actually means it. That he’s felt like he’s been watching out for Jared for the past three-to-four years, and especially the last few months. 

“I’m doing fine.”

Jensen watches Jared’s face, looking for attitude or denial. He sees neither and smirks a little before turning back to the TV. “I’m glad.”

“Me, too,” Jared says as he puts his beer down and rises. “Alright, I’m hitting the sack. Don’t stay up too late. You need your beauty rest.”

Before Jensen can smart off, Jared’s leaning over him and palming the top of Jensen’s head. Jared shakes it a little, says, “Glad you’re here, buddy,” and quickly kisses the back of Jensen’s head and drunkenly sways out of the room. 

There’s a quick flash of tension through Jensen’s body before it turns into something warm and settling. 

 

Filming Sam and Dean’s reunion seems a little hokey, given Jensen’s been living in Jared’s house for a week or so already. But he channels the right energy anyway. He thinks about how he felt when he strolled up Jared’s sidewalk with a duffle over each shoulder, and Jared had thrown open the door, announcing, “Honey! You’re home!” with a loud cackle.

Tumbling around before the big hug feels foolish, when Jensen and Jared do anything but fight. Jared looks serious, though, and intent to shove Jensen around, so Jensen gives as good as he gets and ignores the heat coming off Jared’s strong chest and tight arms as they grapple. Once they’re set and hug, it feels like coming home, or something, whatever. Jensen shoves it away and files it as _Dean_. 

When they finish the scene, they’re all smiling, even Genevieve, the new Ruby. Jensen thinks she’s nice and cute, has a surprising sense of humor that gets both he and Jared laughing. Everything feels easy until it doesn’t. Jared’s holding out a robe for Genevieve to cover up just her tank and underwear. And then there’s this look. 

Jensen can’t describe it, he’s not sure exactly how he knows it, except that Jared sometimes looks at him that way, had so often looked at Sandy like that, too. All soft eyes, tiny smile pinched at the corner so his dimple pops. Jensen used to joke to himself that it’s Jared’s smile for his favorite people - him and Sandy. But now it’s for their new co-star, and what the fuck is happening now?

He shouldn’t care, knows he shouldn’t, but it’s blindsiding him for some peculiar reason. It’s not like Jared’s gay, or thinks about Jensen the way Jensen thinks about him. They live together, they’re roommates, good friends, and co-workers. Yes, Jared’s single after a heart-wrenching end to what Jared had thought was the love of his life, but it doesn’t mean he’d be celibate.

There’s a sharp whistle, then two fingers snapping in Jensen’s face. He flinches back to Jared smirking at him. Jared turns to glance in the direction Jensen had been focused on while daydreaming - where Jared had walked with Genevieve and where she now stands talking to Eric. When Jared looks back, he lifts his eyebrows impossibly high. 

“Now, either you’re changing teams again or you’re going after our boss.”

“What?” Jensen snaps. 

“The new hot chick or our midget enforcer?”

Jensen stares at Jared, eyebrows crunching together in confusion.

“I’m not, neither, I don’t,” Jensen stutters out before he stops and considers Jared. “You think she’s hot,” he says more than asks, and he really wishes he hadn’t done either. Had just kept the words inside his brain where they belong.

Jared laughs, this awkward throaty thing that usually means he thinks someone’s kind of an idiot. Jensen isn’t kind of, he really is. “Uh, yeah,” Jared nods. “For a guy who likes girls, she’s pretty damn hot. I know you don’t get that, but...”

“Oh, shut up,” Jensen grumbles, walking away to end the conversation. 

Only, Jared follows right along. “Look, I know it’s hard for us to work day in and day out and now live together, what with your massive crush on me and all, but it’s not a big deal.”

Jensen has stopped abruptly and is now just staring forward, Jared’s words running through his head on loop. _Your massive crush on me, Your massive crush on me, Your massive crush on me._

“Alright, what’s with you?” Jared says quickly. “One day back on set and you’re burnt out already? Old man’s losing his juice?”

“Yeah, maybe,” Jensen jokes, just to deflect.

“That’s it, then. You, me, my trailer, right now.”

Jensen’s eyes pop open and Jared shuffles a few steps, exaggerating the motion of his arms to bring Jensen with.

“C’mon. We got Contra to nail.”

“Yeah, alright,” Jensen agrees after a long sigh. He glances around as he follows Jared and catches Genevieve watching them with one eyebrow quirked up. 

He doesn’t know why that feels even stranger than the last ten minutes.

  


“He’s my househusband.”

“So, you’re married?”

Jensen whips his head around so fast, his neck hurts, but he can’t think about that. He can only think about Misha’s question and Jared’s healthy, happy nod in reply.

“Pretty much,” Jared replies. “Sans the sex.”

Misha makes a thoughtful face. “No, I’m pretty sure that’s still just like marriage.“

“We’re not married,” Jensen insists when he joins them. “You dick,” he adds, looking at Jared.

Jared grins. “Look who’s talking about dick now.”

“And look who’s so excited about it,” Jensen shoots back with a raised eyebrow.

“Of course, baby,” Jared coos. He slips an arm around Jensen’s shoulders and speaks right to Jensen’s cheek, which is a little odd with Misha watching them. Yeah, Misha is a whole bucket of new-age crazy, but he’s also brand new to their crew. “I think about it all the time when we’re home sleeping. Too bad you don’t let me because you always have a headache.”

Jensen laughs, has to, has no other response right now, and shoves Jared away. Misha’s standing right there, chuckling with them and shaking his head, but still watching. Jensen can’t let anything through, at least no more than usual. 

Before he can think better of it, Jensen lets out, “One of these days when you’re not looking, I’m gonna bend you over and-”

Then suddenly he sees Misha’s eyebrows go extremely high on his forehead and Jensen stops himself, laughs, then swats Misha on the back of the head.

“I was gonna say spank him,” Jensen says.

Misha laughs and moves out of Jensen’s reach. “Doesn’t help a bit.”

“Don’t be so jealous.”

“Ladies!” Jared shouts. “Stop fighting over me!”

  


It’s strange, having Misha and Genevieve on set. For one, there are more people in their scenes. Two, the angel and demon split Sam and Dean. And third and fourth, fifth, and sixth, Jared is somehow more over the top than ever.

“Are you trying to impress Ruby 2?” Jensen asks flatly when Jared flops down into his director’s chair. 

Jared’s face is beat red after doing an unsurprisingly awful round of bad dances from their childhoods. “Maybe,” Jared huffs as he catches his breath. He sits up straighter and elbows Jensen. “What’re you doing?”

Jensen keeps his fingers and eyes on his phone. “Emailing my brother.” 

“Oh, yeah? Tell him I said hi. How’s he doing?”

“A lot better than your dumb ass,” Jensen laughs as soon as Jared rolls his eyes and pouts. He nudges Jared’s knee with his own and smirks while still typing out the email. “C’mon, you know I love your dumb ass.”

Jared smiles. “Yeah, I know.”

“Friday night, Vicky’s gonna cook if you bring wine,” Misha says by way of greeting.

Jensen glances up and waits for the group to decide what they’re doing. Jared’s game as long as there’s red wine and Genevieve seems to be judging Jared’s response before she happily accepts. The three of them look at Jensen and he clears his throat.

“Danni’s coming up. Thanks anyway.”

“Bring her,” Misha insists, as Jared frowns.

“Since when was she coming up?” he asks slowly.

Jensen chuckles to diffuse the oddness of Jared’s question. He shakes his head and goes back to his phone. He’s been acting the whole day as Dean, he can go on as Jensen the Heterosexual. “Since a few hours ago. Haven’t seen each other in a little while, and would like to see a little more of her. Alone,” he adds with a wink to Misha, who laughs in return.

“I didn’t know she was coming up.”

Jensen shrugs in return like it’s no problem, even though he didn’t really plan on her being there either.

  


Two days later, Jared keeps giving Jensen sidelong glances, like he’s trying to figure something out.

Jensen’s tired of saying nothing is wrong, or asking Jared what’s wrong with _him_.

Either way the tension is growing and they’re obviously playing nice around each other.

And then Jensen’s had enough and doesn’t give a shit about personal boundaries because when the hell did Jared?

Waiting on a long motel set up, Jensen tries to crack jokes but Jared only manages meager smiles. Jared still looks lost, a little hazy around the edges, when he glances Jensen’s way. Jensen’s really freaking tired of it.

He snags a towel from the back of the motel’s desk chair - left there for _realism_ or whatever, because apparently Sam and Dean are fucking slobs. When Jared’s mentally dozing off, Jensen twists the towel between his hands and snaps it at Jared’s elbow.

“Ow!” Jared shouts. When he looks at Jensen laughing at him, Jared adds, “You little fucker.”

“I ain’t little, you Yeti.” And Jensen snaps the towel again. 

Jared snatches the towel and yanks hard, pulling it from Jensen’s hands. He swings through the air but Jensen sidesteps, ducks, moves out of Jared’s reach every time. It’s like living in _The Matrix_ , and fairly absurd given that they’re two grown men, but Jared’s laughing when he has to give up the towel and work. Jensen considers it a win.

  


The next day, Jared jumps on Jensen’s back and rides him like a horse. He goes so far as to mime a lasso swinging above his head and snaps his feet back into Jensen’s legs to make him move faster.

And everything is back to normal - if not further along than normal could ever be.

  
[ ](http://pics.livejournal.com/tebtosca/pic/0005bg86/)  


Danneel whistles low and leans against the banister of the back deck. Jensen steps up next to her and hangs his head, staring at his hands gripping at the wood of the deck rail. “I know, it’s an awful idea.”

She sighs and he waits to hear the whole speech. Even if he’s comfortable here and always around Jared, he knows she worries about him like this. He thinks, overall, he’s got himself in check now, can play along and follow Jared’s lead without a real sign that there’s anything amiss in their friendship. But these days, Danneel seems to read him better than anyone around.

“It’s the most catastrophic idea you’ve ever agreed to, but this backyard is _amazing_.”

Jensen chuckles, glad there’s another conversation to be had. “It’s meant for a whole crew of giant Padaleckis. So far just three fill it up.”

She sighs softly and frowns a little. “Yeah, the man has good intentions.” He hums in agreement and she turns towards him. “What about his intentions with you? He treating you good?” He gives her a look and she adds, “Is he taking care of my baby?” with a smirk and pat at his cheek.

Jensen laughs and swats her hand away. “Cut it out. It’s going fine. I’m fine. I like being here.”

“Well, of course you do.” Jensen rolls his eyes but it doesn’t stop her from going on, leaning in close to him and teasing. “Day in and day out with him. Watching him sleep, seeing him walk around in nothing but a towel, hearing him jack-”

“I got it,” Jensen insists to stop her. He takes a deep breath and casually rests his hand on her back, letting her lean closer. “He likes Genevieve. I’m gonna have to watch it all over again.”

“Why do you say that?”

“He’s on a double-dinner-date right now. Misha and his wife, and Gen.”

She idly combs through his hair with light fingers. She sadly smiles as she looks over his whole face. “You’re prettier anyway.”

He snorts and looks across the yard instead of at her compassionate face. “Like you’d know.”

“Okay, I haven’t met her, but there is no one in the world as pretty as this princess.”

Jensen scrabbles at her side to make her laugh. “Well, you are!” she argues. “No way he isn’t making a move of some sort.”

He takes a moment and remembers the other night, after the Soap Box Derby. “He kissed my head,” he says, glancing away.

She taps her fingers at his chest to grab his attention. He watches her manicured nails lightly drag on a button of his shirt. “Like what?” she asks. “Like all the other fawning you do over one another?”

“Oh, hey, sorry,” Jared blurts from the sliding doors. 

Danneel flinches and stumbles closer into Jensen’s chest, and he holds her there while staring at Jared. “Hey, Jared,” she calls out sweetly. 

Jared chuckles and eyes them. Surely, in public, Jensen and Danneel like this would follow expectations, but long ago, Jensen told Jared they aren’t really that. “Sorry, I didn’t know you guys were out here,” Jared says awkwardly.

She rubs Jensen’s chest and shifts back, smiling at Jared. “It’s no big. We didn’t know you were in there.”

He scrubs through the back of his hair, fussing it up in all directions and Jensen just wants to comb it back into place. Instead, Jensen presses his fingers tighter at Danneel’s hips and she looks up at him for it.

“Sorry for interrupting, I just-”

“No, we’re fine,” Danneel smiles brightly. She moves away and then hops up to sit on the banister next to Jensen. “Just chattin’.”

Jensen motions at Jared. “Yeah, c’mon out. It’s fine.”

Jared takes a few steps and keeps looking between them. “You two look … like two real people.”

Danneel laughs. “We’re not fake.”

“Together, like two people together.” Jensen’s about to ask about that, but Jared laughs at himself and rubs a hand over his face. “Jesus, fucking Misha had something good to smoke and I’m all fuzzed out.”

“Did you do anything embarrassing?” Jensen asks.

“Like what? Asking Gen to take her shirt off?”

Jensen and Danneel laugh then slow down when Jared frowns.

“I might’ve really done that. Fuck.”

Jensen clears his throat and Danneel moves into action, guiding Jared back inside.

  


Jensen spends the next hour downing the bottle of Sauvignon Blanc Danneel had brought with her to house. When Danneel joins him in the kitchen, he over-fills a glass for her to finish off the bottle.

“That boy,” she mumbles before taking a healthy sip. 

Jensen stares across the room and out a window facing the back yard. He’s unable to ask any question that brews in his head.

“In addition to being drunk and high, apparently he is extremely horny,” she says mechanically. 

Now he stares at her and can feel his nostrils flaring. She’d been in Jared’s room with him for a bit of time and he’ll throttle her if she did anything with Jared. 

Danneel drinks again, puckering her lips after she swallows. “I got to hear all about it. How he hasn’t touched anyone since Sandy, hasn’t really wanted to, but he can’t ignore it any longer. Can’t ignore how shitty he feels being alone right now.”

Jensen still can’t respond. He opens another bottle of wine and leans back into the corner of the counter as he drinks.

  


Sometime later, Danneel’s gone off to bed and Jensen’s still standing there in the kitchen. The bottle’s only down a third but the sun is all the way down, making the kitchen hazy with dim light coming in from the next room.

He’s warm and drunk enough that he has little reaction to Jared appearing in the doorway. Jared still seems buzzed, a little messy around the edges, but he’s smiling that adorable, fond smile of his and Jensen smiles in return. 

When Jared steps up to him, Jensen fills up the glass Danneel had left behind. They each drink a glass in silence and then Jared breathes deeply. “Jensen,” he murmurs. “Everything’s changing.”

Jensen thinks back to what Danneel had said about Jared. Him being alone, missing Sandy. He smiles carefully and squeezes at Jared’s elbow. “I know, buddy.”

Jared pours them both more wine, finishing the bottle with a sloppy shake that spills over Jensen’s hand. 

Jensen laughs and licks at his thumb, throwing out, “You’re such an ass.”

He chuckles with Jensen and they mumble through a lazy conversation about Misha’s dinner, the cous cous, veggie kabobs, and spinach pie Vicky had cooked up. 

“You should’ve come,” Jared mumbles. “We all missed you.”

“Sure you had fun anyway.”

“Not the same.”

Moments later, Jared is closing in on Jensen, face millimeters away, lips impossibly closer.

“Jared,” Jensen insists, trying to shift away, but he’s wedged into the corner with Jared looming over him. Jared goes to cup Jensen’s face, but Jensen grabs onto Jared’s wrist to stop him. “You’re drunk, c’mon.”

“So’re you.”

“You can’t just…” Jensen trails off, not even sure what to say without it turning into _a thing_ between them. 

“I want to,” Jared whispers then licks his lips, just barely touching Jensen’s.

And Lord, Jensen does, too, but he knows this ain’t right. And says so. “This isn’t the same thing, not the same as Sandy or Gen.”

Jared doesn’t speak, just softly nods and closes the gap with a tentative push of his mouth to Jensen’s. 

Jensen opens his mouth to protest, but Jared slips his tongue right in and Jensen loses all ability to be sane here. He has Jared pressed against him, inside his mouth, the taste of him rolling through, and Jensen can’t be blamed for the way he fists his hand in Jared’s hair and tips him to the side so he can suck on Jared’s tongue, run his own right around it, make them both groan for it. This is so fucking good. It’s what Jensen’s wanted, _needed_ for years, and Christ Almighty, it’s here.

Jared sets all his weight into Jensen, and before he knows it, Jensen’s yanking at Jared’s belt loops. He twines them around his fingers and tugs so they’re flush together, and Jared wraps his arms around Jensen’s neck, holding him tight, chest to chest. He then pulls Jensen with him, back-walking out of the kitchen and to his bedroom. 

When Jared’s knees hit the bed, he falls back and Jensen just goes with him, crawling right between his legs. His heart is pumping impossibly hard, but his dick is even harder, while his brain cries out for more. Jensen rolls his hips down to Jared’s, makes Jared arch up to meet him, and Jared’s hands roam over Jensen’s shoulders, back, his arms. Neither can stop moving into each other, and Jensen rocks down hard, drawing illicit noises from Jared’s lips that Jensen kisses away each time.

Jensen slips his hands under Jared’s back and holds tight as he continues their rhythm, a short figure eight of his groin down into Jared’s. On each turn he feels Jared through his jeans, and he considers getting them out of their clothes, but then Jared’s humming and murmuring in his ear to egg him on. Jared’s grip around Jensen’s shoulders is so tight Jensen can’t manage to stop them and fucks down against Jared, like the hundred times he’s dreamt about it. 

Jared’s hand clamps over one of Jensen’s ass cheeks, fingers pressing tight and pulling him even tighter down. “Right there, there, there,” Jared mumbles on

“You gonna come?” Jensen whispers against Jared’s lips. He kisses Jared hard when he nods, and he rocks down even harder, faster, and swallows up Jared’s high whine when he breaks and shivers beneath Jensen.

“Oh, fuck,” Jensen murmurs when he spots Jared’s dazed eyes and red-bitten lips. “Look at you.” A few more rolls of his hips and Jensen’s done, too, dropping his head to Jared’s chest as he feels it tingle through his body. 

Jensen rolls over to his back and lets his chest rise high and low as he tries to catch his breath and figure out what the hell just happened. He glances at Jared and finds him licking and biting his bottom lip, eyes closed, and hand resting over his belly like he’s also trying to regulate his breathing. 

He smiles to himself, knowing that he got Jared that worked up and wrecked like this, and then lets his eyes shut.

  


In the morning, Jared’s gone from bed with his shower running, and Jensen decides he also needs a change of clothes, shower, and cup of coffee. He achieves the first two before he gets his hands on a mug in the kitchen where Jared and Danneel are chatting at the kitchen table.

“Hey,” he says as level as possible. “Morning.”

“Mmm, morning,” Jared mumbles around his last piece of toast. He rises and smiles quickly as he passes Jensen. “I got errands to run, you need anything from the grocery store?”

Jensen spins quickly to watch Jared leave the kitchen and zip through the living room to slip on a pair of shoes and grab his keys. 

“More cream and sugar,” Danneel insists, then frowns at Jensen. “Sorry, I finished the last of it.”

Jared leans into the doorway. “Sugar for the mama, got it,” he says and winks at Danneel. He looks to Jensen, all wide-eyed and freshly shaven. Like he hadn’t been a total mess just hours ago. “How about you, princess? You need anything?”

Jensen moves back to pouring his coffee, scratching his head as he goes to hide anything on his face. “I guess just food.”

“You’re very helpful. Thanks for that.”

Looking at Jared again tells Jensen nothing. There’s no sign of things having changed from their run in Jared’s bedroom. This could be good or bad, Jensen’s not so sure, and he can’t decide if he really wants to find out. 

“And you’re very cheery, asshole,” Jensen snarks. 

Jared grins. “Gotta be in my state.”

A second later he’s gone and out the front door, leaving Jensen to stare at the empty doorway. 

Danneel clears her throat. “Apparently, Jared called Genevieve to apologize for his behavior and got dinner in return.”

“Fuck,” Jensen sighs and knocks his head against the cupboard.

  


It takes just a month for Jared and Genevieve to be obvious on set. Jared picks on her and she play-fights back, and suddenly Jensen blurts out, “This sucks,” with a roll of his eyes.

“What does?” Misha asks absently. He belatedly brings his sights up from his phone and watches Jensen.

“Waiting,” Jensen insists. “I hate waiting.”

  


“What do you think of Belize?” Jensen asks Danneel over the phone.

“I don’t have a problem with it, I guess,” she replies.

“Christmas, let’s go.”

“Really?” she asks oddly.

“Yeah, why not?”

“Because we don’t really have to?” she offers. “We can just pop around Dallas a little. I know you haven’t seen your folks for a bit.”

Jensen carefully clears his throat so she doesn’t hear it. “I wanna get away, go somewhere far off. Hopefully somewhere they don’t speak English and therefore cannot pronounce Supernatural.”

Danneel laughs loudly and he imagines her cheeks going pink and her smile being so broad that her white teeth light up the room. He can’t wait to see it in person, on some beach that’s lit up by the brightest sun possible at Christmas. He’s smiling just thinking about the fun they’ll have together.

Damn, he misses his friend.

Carefully she asks, “Jared and Gen vacationing together?”

“No, surprisingly not. Though he insists that’s perfectly okay, whatever that means,” Jensen quickly smarts off. “He’s going with his sister to Argentina.” Danneel hums and he asks her for more explanation.

“Well, Belize isn’t exactly far away from everyone and anything.”

Jensen huffs. “It’s a whole other country, Danneel. Just work with me, please?”

“I’m really sorry that he-”

“You’ll only be sorry if you don’t go with me.”

“I’m sorry he broke your heart.”

She says it so tenderly that he can’t speak for a few seconds, nearly coughing on the lump in his throat. “He didn’t break my heart.”

“He seduced you, took you to bed, then left you high and dry the next morning and broke your heart.”

The way Danneel almost sounds mad makes Jensen smile. Albeit sadly. “All the other things, yes, but not the heart breaking. It’s still here and it’s beating wildly with love and passion for Belize.”

“You sound like an idiot, you know that.”

“Are you coming or wh-”

“Yes! I’ll go!” She laughs. “You're not seeing Belize without me!”

  


“Belize?”

“Yeah,” Jensen replies quickly.

“Belize with Danneel?”

“Yeah,” he repeats.

“For Christmas?”

Jensen narrows his eyes at Jared then laughs haughtily. “Did I stutter? Yes, I’m taking my girlfriend to Belize for Christmas.”

“Sounds like prime engagement season,” Misha drops in casually. “I hear the diamonds are especially shiny at dusk.”

“Misha, you’re not helping,” Jared huffs. He turns to Jensen again and lets out a laugh, but Jensen can tell it’s awkward. “I didn’t know you guys were planning a big time vacation together.”

Jensen shrugs and acts coolly, just like he has since Jared took Genevieve out for dinner and have been an item off and on set. “Well, my sister’s busy so I’m taking my hot girlfriend instead.”

Misha appropriately laughs, and Jared snorts and shoves at Jensen’s shoulder. “Fuck off.”

Jensen nods. “I will, with Danneel, many times.”

“You are an ugly gloater,” Misha says then steps aside to get in place for their scene. 

Jared shifts around Jensen fairly closely before getting to his mark. “You’re kinda pushing it hard,” he mumbles.

Glancing around, Jensen spots the crew readying themselves and smiles. “I’m ready when you guys are.”

  


Belize is calming and warm. Add on another full week with Danneel for the _My Bloody Valentine_ premiere and Jensen’s brain is clear and relaxed. Being side-by-side with Danneel for a huge chunk of time relaxes him; they’re best friends, she keeps him level when he needs it, amps him up when he needs that, too.

The whole break helps him see so clearly that he realizes he can’t cut Jared out of his life, no matter how much he wants to get a punch in. Just one could do the trick, and then he’ll feel good about everything and apologize for putting space between them these last few months.

Neither the punch nor apology comes because as soon as Jensen lands in Vancouver, word flies that "Supernatural" lost one of their greatest men. 

The second Jensen spots Jared on the back deck, watching Harley and Sadie prance across the yard, he heads right for him. It feels oddly like any choreographed Sam-n-Dean hug they’ve had before, but it’s not as tight. It’s more careful and soft, with a few back pats at the end.

Jensen determines that life’s too short to blame Jared for all of this. Not when Jensen’s got himself to blame, too.

They both seem to put away any wayward thoughts and sit on the deck stairs, knocking back beers and reliving the best days of Kim Manners. 

It’s mostly happy thoughts, though Jensen gets down a bit when he recalls filming the end of Season 2, when Kim cocooned him in that abandoned cabin set to hash out one of Dean’s most powerful moments with his brother. 

Jared avoids anything that’s not laugh-inducing or prank-reliving. It feels awkward, but Jensen can see why it’s happening. Jared’s clutching his half-empty bottle in his hands, waving it around as he talks, and his eyes are glassy. Glassy from the alcohol, the late hour, and the memories. 

Suddenly, Jared’s face twists and he swings the bottle like he’s going to chuck it out into the yard. Jensen cringes because he’s certain Jared’s not about to say or do anything pleasant. He knows how Jared gets after enough beers in a short period of time.

“Man, but you were his favorite,” Jared says. It’s not harsh, but there’s a sliver of bitterness there. “Always everyone’s favorite,” he adds on, now sounding fond.

“Not everyone’s,” Jensen chuckles awkwardly into the lip of his beer. He takes a long swig and realizes Jared’s staring at him now and everything feels tilted, off-kilter, like the world really is flat and just hiked itself up forty-five degrees. “What?”

“Nothing,” Jared insists. “Just, sometimes things are real good. It’s all normal. Then suddenly it’s just not.” Seconds later, Jared hauls himself up, mumbles, “I’m gonna,” and heads back inside without a glance back.

Jensen’s not sure how long he sits out on that deck, but it’s long enough that the sky’s trading its darkness for dawn. He’s drowsy and ready to pack it up, but his phone rings in his pocket. He’s assuming Jared being a dumbass from inside, maybe Danneel being one from L.A. Instead, it’s Jeff. 

“Hey, kiddo,” he grumbles through the phone. 

Jensen feels rattled to get a call from him at this hour, but he deflects anyway. “I thought we talked about the _kiddo_ thing?”

There’s no pretense, Jeff just says, “I just heard the news, got an email. I’m really sorry.”

Swallowing seems like a good response because Jensen’s just tired and loose enough to start crying. He’s not up for doing that right now, like this.

“I know he meant a lot to you. Taught you a lot.”

Jensen swallows again, wrenches a “Yeah, he did” from the back of his throat, then clears it.

“He meant a lot to a lot of people.”

“That he did. How’s Jared doing?”

“Passed out in bed by now.”

“He takin’ it okay?” Jeff asks warmly, and somehow Jensen can only imagine the way Jared and Jeff had acted on the red carpet for the Scream Awards. 

Jared grabbing hold of Jeff, hugging him, saying ‘he’s my boyfriend.’ None of it sits well right now, not on top of everything else his brain is trying to process.

“Jensen, you there?” Jeff asks, sounding worried. 

“He shuffled off to bed before he said too much about it,” Jensen replies quickly. “You know how he gets sometimes.”

“Just bottles it up ‘til he figures it all out.”

“Yeah.” _Kinda like the rest of us_ , Jensen thinks.

“He’ll be fine after a while; he’s got you there.” Jensen makes a noncommittal noise in response and Jeff seems to mock it with a _Hmm_. It’s awkward for a few seconds of silence. 

“Right? You two are still good, I’d assume?”

“Yeah, we’re fine.”

There’s another grunt from Jeff and Jensen figures he’d answered that one a little too quickly. 

Jensen sighs and rattles off, “We’re fine. It’s fine. And if I’m unwittingly lying, then it’ll be fine.”

Jeff snorts. “You’ve got an unhealthy understanding of fine, you know that?”

“Yeah, and you’ve got an awful definition for boundaries,” Jensen snips back. 

He’d intended for it to be sharp and rude to put Jeff at arm’s length, but like all of Jensen’s attempts as such things, it fails because they’re both chuckling seconds later and moving onto other topics of conversation that don’t include Jared or being _fine_.

  


Jensen’s been waiting for Jared a good fifteen minutes. It’s nothing new, he feels like this is his life. Waiting for Jared to hit his mark, to be ready in the morning, to come around one of these days… No. Not that, Jensen shoves that back to the furthest reaches of his mind.

“Jared! C’mon!” Jensen’s standing at the bottom of the stairs, waiting for a response but that doesn’t come either. “Hey, idiot! The ride’s been here for five minutes already!”

More silence and Jensen adds, “We’ll miss our flight.”

He can hear the master bathroom door open and boot heels through Jared’s bedroom and to the hallway.

“Finally, you and your stupid-” and he pauses when Genevieve appears at the top of the stairs. Her hair is pulled back tightly with a messy bun at the back of her neck and she’s pulling a bulky cardigan sweater over her tight (yet slightly shower-damp) tee. 

“ _You_ ,” Jensen says lamely.

Jensen shouldn’t be surprised to see her. She’s been around a lot lately, and he likes her, likes her fine. He thinks if she weren’t with Jared that he’d be way more open to building a deeper friendship with her, but he sure as hell tries to act like there’s nothing odd about her ever being around. Especially right now.

“How’re you?” he asks kindly.

She guiltily smiles. “He’ll be down in a minute.”

Jensen pitifully waves towards the front door. “It’s just … we got a flight … don’t wanna be late.”

“I know. And he knows,” she adds with a nod. He nods in return and she suddenly grins brightly. “Are you excited for the trip?”

“Yeah, it’ll be a nice break,” Jensen says easily, because it’s true. “Just the guys. Probably eat some red meat. A few rounds of golf if he can stand it.”

She laughs. “Did you pack a helmet? He’s got an awful backswing.”

Jensen chuckles, because it’s true. He’s amazed Jared even agreed to golfing on their long weekend.

“Alright, alright, hold your pretty lil’ horses there,” Jared insists as he hustles down the stairs. “I’ll see you when I get back,” he murmurs, leaning far down to kiss Genevieve good bye.

There’s a quick flare through Jensen’s spine seeing how casual it is for them to kiss. Worse yet when Jared taps her ass and she swats him on the arm as he passes by and on through the living room.

Jensen’s not sure what kind of hell he’s gotten himself into here.

  


Two days of golf and steaks and wine, and Jensen can’t believe there was ever any hesitation for this trip.

Jared really does have a lethal backswing, but Jensen is smart enough to stand clear away whenever he tees off. The first night at the golf resort, they did Italian and emptied two bottles of red, finishing the night off with tiramisu and a few hours in one of the hotel bars reliving their early episodes. The second night brought them tacos and tangy margaritas, and here on the third and final evening, they’re full on chicken and polenta.

Jensen tips back in a chair on the balcony of their suite. The grounds are softly lit, sprawling greens and glittery water hazards. Jared catches him dazed out, slapping Jensen on the shoulder and shocking him out of a short daydream about eternal vacations of just him and Jared. The two of them relaxed and easy, sleeping in late, staying up until dawn, eating great food and drinking greater liquor. And smoking woody cigars, like the one Jared holds out for Jensen.

Jensen smirks and leans forward to nab it with his mouth. He waits for Jared to light it and the smoky flavor fills his lungs as he puffs at it to get it well and lit. Jared sits beside him and lights his own, then they’re both leaning back in their lounge chairs with their cigars tucked between their fingers and smiling warmly at each other.

They’re both lazy from warm pours of whiskey at the bar, and Jensen’s mouth doesn’t have a problem saying, “This has been a really great trip.”

“It has,” Jared agrees with a nod. “Glad I thought it up.”

“Oh, you did not,” Jensen laughs.

Jared snorts and grins before smoking the cigar again. After some time, Jared lolls his head over to look at Jensen. “How’re your parents? I haven’t seen the Ackles clan in a while.”

“They’re good,” Jensen says warmly. He hasn’t been home as much as he planned this past year, but he’s kept in touch. “They’re doing an addition on the back end and Ma’s been busy decorating while Dad just kinda watches.”

“He’s the enforcer.”

Jensen laughs. “Exactly. He’s mindful, just watches the guys work.” He crosses his arms and makes a thoughtful noise, playing up his dad. “Hmm, that knot in that there wood’s a lil’ big. Donna, what’re you thinkin’ with those paisley curtains?”

Jared laughs hard, knocking his head back and grinning, and Jensen beams in reply. “Man, I’d love to see those two sometime soon.”

“They miss you, too.” It feels odd to say but it’s certainly true. Still, Jensen smokes his cigar and grabs his long-forgotten tumbler of whiskey from the side table to distract himself from having admitted it.

Jensen leans back further and reaches his legs out to the balcony railing, but he’s too far back and his feet smack back to the ground abruptly. Jared laughs loudly and knocks Jensen’s knees. “God, look at you, shorty.”

“Fuck off.”

“Yeah, there was a lot of heat in there,” Jared says flatly.

“You’re just too damn lovable,” Jensen coos, complete with eyelashes batting.

Jared leans over the arm of his chair. “Man, all those girls are right. Your eyelashes are damned pretty.”

“Shut up,” Jensen laughs, now shoving Jared away from him.

Them bickering and joking is like the early days, and yet better because they have so much between them now. It all feels good, great, like it should have been for the last year when Jensen agreed to move in with Jared. It wasn’t supposed to be bogged down by a drunken mistake in Jared’s kitchen (and bedroom), and Jensen’s not supposed to hold anything against his best friend.

Jared must be tripping down the same train of thought because he suddenly looks out onto the course laid out before them and hums. “I miss us doing this. It’s like time and work just got in the way.”

“Yeah, well,” Jensen mumbles, unsure of what to say. He goes for the laugh instead. “Absence makes the heart grow fonder or some bull shit.”

They both chuckle, soft breaths easing out into a comfortable quiet.

Jensen realizes that it’s true, and that being around Jared every hour of every day, living in his house, isn’t making it easier to actually live. He makes a note to find himself a place before they start the next season.

  


“What’re you doing?” Jared asks easily, leaning against the doorframe to Jensen’s room.

Jensen looks up from a box that is half-full of bedsheets and pillowcases. “Playing pinochle.”

Jared sighs and gently smiles. “Come drink with me out back.”

“That sounds healthy.”

“I’m also gonna eat an apple,” Jared smarts back.

Glancing around, Jensen sees more half-empty boxes and a shit ton of his belongings that need to be in them. “I should finish some of this.”

“It’ll be there tomorrow. C’mon. Last beer in the house.”

“Not really _in_ the house,” Jensen points out, but he gets up and follows Jared anyway. “And the house isn’t going away. Just me.”

Jared hands over a beer from a small cooler on the deck, right next to two chairs he must’ve arranged at the far end for them to sit together. “Yeah, and why is that?” Jared asks.

“Because you’re a bad influence.”

“How’s that?”

Jensen drops into the chair and watches Jared screw the bottle top off then flick it over the banister just like Sam in some episode back in Season 3. Jensen smiles a little that he remembers that. “Making me drink when I should be doing other stuff.”

Jared gulps on his beer for a few long moments then sighs as he sets it back in his lap. “This year’s kinda sucked. I’d like our last few days to not be focused on you leaving.”

“I’m not leaving the show,” Jensen points out and eyes Jared. Jared’s sweating a bit around the collar with a flush high on his cheeks. Neither is anything new, in general, except, there’s a chill in the air with the tail-end of winter just starting to end. “You do know that, right?” he jokes, and surprisingly finishes his beer in record time.

“Yeah, I know,” Jared chuckles, getting them both another round from the cooler. “Just, it feels like we tried and failed to live together. Like the end of an era.”

“An era’s a little longer than nine months.”

“Felt longer than that.”

“No shit,” Jensen cracks.

Jared glances over and slowly smiles. “See, what’m I gonna do without your cranky ass around?”

Jensen brings his bottle up to his mouth. “I don’t know, but I’m gonna be living the high life.”

Jared chuckles and then goes quiet as his eyes roam the yard. “House is gonna be damn big again.”

“You’ve got the dogs. And Gen.”

Jared’s eyes go up to the sky, looking across to the west to where the sun’s beginning to set. He softly smiles, and Jensen realizes he’s truly happy to see Jared react like that.

They drink in silence, this bottle going down as quickly as the one before. As Jared hands over another one, he asks, “She’s good, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Jensen answers automatically, trying to not fumble his new beer with nerves over how quickly he’d said it. Or if it was unbelievable.

Jared snorts. “Don’t be so sure there, Ackles.”

“I’m not the one into women,” Jensen defends playfully.

“She’s cute, and funny. Smart and attentive. And understanding.” 

Jensen nods and drinks quickly, just to feel the burn down his throat before he says, “That’s good then. I’m happy for you, Jared.”

“Yeah,” Jared sighs wistfully, like he has more to say. He doesn’t speak more, just reaches across the way, sets his hand over Jensen’s shoulder, and squeezes.


	5. Season 5

  


“We should talk about it,” Jared insists quietly, coming up behind Jensen where he’s leaning against the bar. Jensen’s just got offstage performing with the crew band, the Impalas, and his tie is loosened and hair matted with sweat. He’s downing a bottle of water, Adam’s apple working with the motion.

“It’s none of my business,” Jensen shrugs, avoiding Jared’s gaze and smiling over at the bartender. 

“Don’t play dumb, Jensen, c’mon,” Jared grits his teeth. He doesn’t want to get into this here, at their fucking 100th episode party for Christ’s sake, but his chest is still aching from the look on Jensen’s face when he found out.

“Why don’t you just act like it never happened? You’re good at that, Jared.”

Jared can’t help himself when he grabs on to Jensen’s bicep and spins him around, forcing Jensen to look at him. Jensen glances down at where Jared is gripping his arm, and then back up to Jared’s eyes, his gaze hot and angrier than Jared’s seen it in years. 

“Get the fuck off me,” Jensen warns, standing still as a statue.

Jared drops his arm, not wanting to cause a scene in front of all their co-workers, but tilts his chin up stubbornly and holds Jensen’s gaze. “Can we just talk privately for a few minutes? I swear, five minutes and then you can go back to Danni or where the fuck ever you want.”

Jared pauses, sees the indecision in Jensen’s eyes and goes in for the kill. 

“Please, Jensen. Please.”

Jensen’s nod is so tiny it’s easy to miss, but it’s there and Jared lets out the breath he didn’t know he was holding. Jared cocks his head and leads Jensen to a private room off to side of the lounge area that looks suspiciously like a coat closet, and locks the door behind them. Jensen glares at the lock but doesn’t move to undo it, and Jared figures that’s as good a sign as any.

Jensen closes his eyes briefly before a glacial expression overtakes his face and he stands up straight and sure at his full height. “Jared, I was serious when I said that it’s none of my business. You’re my friend and that’ll never change--” he can’t hold back the catch in his voice and Jared wants to reach out and touch him so bad it’s a physical pain. “--but I have no say in what you do or who you fuck. This is not some fucking rom-com and you don’t need to placate me, it’s fine.”

Jared thinks of the last five years. Thinks of that Tuesday and all the Tuesdays in between. 

So he touches. Hands on Jensen’s face, foreheads pressed together. Jensen tenses, but he smells like sweat and whiskey and chocolate and Jared is too dazed to let go.

“Jensen.”

 

Three weeks into shooting season five, and Jared is already lonely. How he manages that while working fourteen hour days is anyone’s guess, but he thinks it has something to do with how he comes home at night to a house that feels twice as empty as it did just three months prior.

He thinks for a minute about saying fuck it and selling the house, but he can’t bring himself to do it. He says it’s for the dogs, that his kids need a space to move and breathe. But he knows inside that he can’t get rid of the house because part of him still thinks it belongs as much to Jensen as it does to him. Even when Jensen’s not here anymore. Even when Jensen left. Left them. Him.

Jared remembers that entire night. Remembers first contact and the tug of Jensen leading him to his room. Remembers the weight of him, pushing him into the mattress, sudden indentations both new and exciting. Remembers the way that Jensen tasted and smelled, the callouses on his fingers and the prickle of his stubble. 

Remembers wanting Jensen so bad that he thought he was going to drown, so the next morning Jared did what he thought he had to do to save himself and got out of the water.

  


Jared has a week off a few weeks later while Jensen is busy playing against himself. Jared can tell that Jensen’s exhausted just from reading the script, but it’s one of Ben’s best and Jared’s looking forward to playing the devil when he gets back. Misha’s just thrilled to get out of the trench coat, and Jared can’t blame him.

Gen asks him if he’s coming down to LA, and sounds genuinely disappointed when he tells her he already booked a plane ticket to San Antonio. He doesn’t want to say “I need my mama” to his girlfriend, but her amused tone tells him he doesn’t have to.

Gen is pretty much everything Jared should want. She’s beautiful and witty and sexy as fuck, kind of like Sandy’s deliciously evil twin. He knows that it seems obvious that he has a type, but what isn’t so obvious is that instead of Gen actually being like Sandy, she’s more like Jensen. So, yeah, maybe Jared does have a type, it just has nothing to do with petite bodies and long dark hair. 

He wants to love her. Thinks he could one day. Thinks he should. 

Jared realizes that he doesn’t really know how.

“You’re getting too big, JT,” his mother says, wrapping her arms around him from behind where he’s sitting on the bar stool in the kitchen. “Have a snickerdoodle.”

Jared laughs. Typical. “So I’m getting too big but you want me to eat cookies?”

She presses his bicep with a frown. He’s been bulking up for an audition for the Conan reboot and Dan said he needed to get as big as possible before they see him. Jared can’t even pretend that it doesn’t suck. “What happened to my gawky boy? Where did he go?”

Jared leans his head back to press a kiss to her cheek. Her skin is warm and she smells like baby powder and sugar and home. “He’s been gone a long time, Mama.”

She wraps herself around him again and they stay like that, silent, for a long while. The house is quiet and the only sound is the grandfather clock in the next room. 

“Mama, I think I’m gay.”

The words startle Jared as much as they do his mother. The both tense, muscles tight in anticipation of what’s going to happen next. Jared wants to stuff the words back in, rewind the world so that he never has to know how disappointed she suddenly is with him.

The next thing she says is gentle though, just one word that means everything all at once.

“Jensen?”

He ducks his head, chin touching chest, and closes his eyes. “I think so. I mean, yes. Yes, Jensen.”

She comes around him then, tilting his head up with one hand so that they are eye level with each other. She brushes a hand through his hair, long and careless from the lack of constant on-set stylists. “And what about your girlfriend?”

Jared bites his cheek and flushes, guilt flooding through him. “She’s amazing, and I like her a lot. We get along and--” He stops, realizes that he’s rationalizing to the woman that probably understands him best in the world, and he doesn’t really have to. “She deserves better than someone that can’t love her properly.”

“I thought you might have learned that lesson with Sandy,” she says, eyebrows cocked, but not in judgment. He cringes anyway.

“I guess that gawky boy you raised isn’t as smart as he thinks he is.”

She smacks him lightly on the cheek, pointing her finger at him and giving him a mock-angry face. “That gawky boy would recognize when he’s made a mistake and rectify the problem.”

He kisses her hand then, and his voice is low. “Why do you not seem surprised by all of this?”

Her hand moves until she’s gently holding his cheek. “Remember Davey Tucker from next door? You must have been, what, thirteen, fourteen?”

Jared’s face burns then, as he remembers a senior baseball star with straw blond hair and muscles that used to flex with every swing at bat. “What about him?”

She looks at Jared, and he can tell she’s measuring her words carefully. “Nothing really. It’s just…well, I don’t know what I thought.” She swallows audibly, but her face is kind. “I just want you to be happy, JT. That’s all I’ve ever wanted for any of my children.”

“I’m not sure if it’s too late, Mama,” Jared admits, and he thinks back to how he felt when Jensen told him that he was moving out. After that one, perfect weekend, when everything felt normal and right. And then.

“You’ve come this far, right? My boy’s not a quitter,” she smirks, smacking him lightly on the cheek. She turns and shoves a snickerdoodle in his mouth before he can protest. 

“Mama!” he laughs, choking a bit, but manages to smile around the crumbs.

  


“I should have listened when Misha warned me.”

Jared manages to last three more weeks before getting the nerve to fly down to LA for the weekend and break up with Gen. She’s sitting on her couch, tanned and rested and lovely, and calmer than Jared ever expected her to be during this conversation. Jared’s sitting across from her on the ottoman, tense and unsure, even if he knows this is the right decision.

“Misha warned you?” 

She nods. “Yeah, and Vicki. Jeannie, too.” Her lips curl up on one side. “And Serge.”

Jared’s face must give away his shock because she rolls her eyes and laughs. 

“Okay, maybe not Serge.”

There is an awkward silence for a few moments and Gen blinks a few times as Jared stares down at his hands. “What did Misha think was happening?”

Gen studies him for a moment, and Jared thinks, not for the first time, how intense and endless her eyes are. There’s part of him that still wants to love her, desperately. 

“He thinks you two were fucking for years. Says, and I quote, “Jensen Ackles is the king of overcompensation’.”

Jared’s eyes close briefly, and he remembers Jensen’s weight on top of him and the heat of his mouth pressed against his own. “Misha’s wrong. Really, really, fucking wrong.”

Gen looks a bit surprised at that, and there is a moment when what could only be called conflicted relief passes over her features. “So you two have never?”

Jared shakes his head automatically. Whatever that was, last year, it doesn’t count. Jared didn’t let it count. “No, we’ve never been together. I mean, Jensen’s gay…" 

She snorts. “Yeah, no shit. Danneel looks at him like she wants to knit him socks, not fuck him, and we know she’s too hot for that.”

Jared laughs, although he doesn’t know how this conversation managed to hit this curve. “I think I’m gay, too. I mean, maybe, I’m not sure.”

A smirk twists her mouth and Jared wants to kiss her, even still, just because. “Dude, the sex was too hot for you to be all gay. Tell me I’m wrong.”

Jared rolls his eyes, but he can feel a blush creeping up his neck. “You’re taking this quite well.”

A tiny flash of hurt covers her features, and even though it’s over quick, he wants to take it back. “Hey, I went to NYU—inadvertently sleeping with gay guys is a rite of passage.”

“This isn’t about Jensen,” Jared says suddenly, and he means the words as he says them.

Her eyes narrow a bit and she tilts her head to stare at him meaningfully. “Good. I mean, have you been with a guy before? Been attracted to one? Because you realize that ‘I’m just gay for Jensen’ is stupid, right?”

Now Jared can really feel himself flushing, and he looks away from her for a moment. “Is ‘I don’t know?’ an appropriate answer?”

“Jared,” Gen says softly, and reaches over to put a hand on his knee. 

It’s so different from when he broke up with Sandy, and he feels bad for feeling so fucking grateful to Gen for that. Sandy’s happy now, has a great guy who loves her. She’s roommates with Jordan even, and fuck Jared hasn’t seen them in a while, and what a fucking horrible friend he is. He has so much he needs to do, so many things he needs to change and understand about himself.

Gen takes a deep breath, and leans back. “Look, Jared, I can’t say that I’m not disappointed. I mean, you’re a terrific guy and I think we get along well, right? If this was a different world, I think we’d be really great for each other. But, I guess I always knew that it would never be enough.” She pauses then, considers her words. “I think you need to figure out who you are first, before you go pinning everything you think you want on someone else. Even if that someone else is Jensen.”

“He doesn’t even know,” Jared says.

“He knows.” Gen looks at him in a way that feels much too kind. “But do you?”

It’s not really fair to either of them when he reaches out and kisses her softly, but he does it anyway. “We were friends first, right?”

Gen rests her head against his and smiles softly. “Not really.”

Jared chuckles. “We could be though, right?”

She pulls back then, leaning back against the couch, shoulders loose. “Probably.”

He knows it’s the best he’s going to get, so with a smile he stands up and walks out the door.

  


“Did you get bigger? Seriously, how did this happen?” Richard asks, rubbing his hands over Jared’s chest.

“Disgusting protein shakes and a dozen raw eggs per meal. Complete and utter foulness,” Jensen answers for him from his place lying across the couch in Jared’s trailer. 

“Are you done groping me now?” Jared asks, amused as Richard continues rubbing.

“Ah, don’t be like that. You used to like it when I molested you,” Richard winks, before finally dropping his hands and throwing himself on the couch dramatically. Jared starts giggling when Jensen grunts.

Richard snuggles into Jensen’s armpit, and Jensen lets him since it’s almost impossible to resist Richard when he’s in a mood. Seriously, if Speight and Rosenbaum ever got together, world domination would be impossible to foil.

“How’s your girl, Jared? I heard she got a hot new ABC show. I auditioned for that one, but for some reason they thought a Fiennes brother would make a better heartthrob. Blasphemy, I say.”

“The bastards,” Jensen snorts.

“We broke up.” Jared can see Jensen tensing, even though Jared told him the night it happened. He left out the details, but that’s another story.

“Awesome. So when’s your gay marriage ceremony, then? Can I be flowergirl? Misha does _not_ get to steal my glory.”

Jensen sits up so fast that Richard nearly takes a swan dive into the coffee table. He looks up at Jensen with a cocked eyebrow. “Whoa there, fella. I’m just teasing.”

Jensen laughs, but Jared knows he’s faking it, knows Jensen well enough to be able to categorize every version of it. “You were getting heavy, fucker. Bad enough I have Conan the wannabe barbarian all over me, don’t need any fat midgets, too.”

“I am going to laugh when you get hit in the balls, for the record,” Richard pouts, jumping up from the floor and heading towards the door.

“Jared’s getting hit in the balls, not me,” Jensen corrects, with a smirk.

“Ah, yes, easy target. Low hanging fruit, you know,” Richard winks, fondling Jared one more time for good measure before leaving the trailer.

  


Jared meets Nick at a bar.

He’s tall but slender, with hair too blond and eyes too blue. There’s not a single freckle anywhere on his face, and Jared looks, just in case. 

He’s young, just twenty four, and a PA over on "Smallville", which is too fucking close for comfort, and yet. 

By the end of the night, Jared’s has thin, male lips wrapped around his dick for the first time. It’s just like a girl, and yet completely not. The suction is harder, more wild. Jared can fuck into it with more abandon, more brutality than normal. Sandy could never deep throat him, Gen almost but not quite, but Nick took him to the back of his throat like a champ.

He tries to imagine what Jensen’s mouth would be like, but then he realizes he’s a masochist and concentrates long enough to come down Nick’s throat. The boy swallows like it’s the best thing he’s ever tasted. Maybe it is, who the fuck knows.

They go back to Nick’s shitty studio apartment because Jared can’t bear the thought of him being in the house that Jensen lived in. Jared’s drunk, but not drunk enough for excuses, and he bends Nick in half and fucks him until the headboard bangs loud enough to cut through the haze of orgasm. It’s good, hot, only a little weird, and Jared comes like a fucking freight train into the condom with his incisors chewing into the curve of Nick’s neck.

“You really never do this before?” Nick asks a bit later, standing naked and nonchalant against the doorframe of his bedroom. He’s smoking a cigarette, and looking at Jared with lazy, contented eyes. His body is still flushed splotchy red from exertion and his dick is resting half-hard against his thigh.

Jared rests against the headboard and shakes his head. Doesn’t really know what to say.

“Not even with that co-star of yours?”

Jared laughs then, only a little bitter, and closes his eyes briefly. “Why does everyone think that?”

Nick shrugs, taking a hit of his cigarette and smirking a little. “He’s hot.”

“Yeah, he’s hot,” Jared echoes. He pats the side of the bed next to him and Nick gets the hint and comes over.

“You figure anything out tonight, big guy?” Nick says, a little too wisely, putting out his cigarette in the ashtray on the nightstand and crawling back into bed. He straddles Jared’s lap, and Jared’s dick takes notice immediately.

“Does it matter?” Jared asks, looking at him. 

Nick shrugs, and leans in to kiss Jared’s mouth. Nick’s lips are swollen a bit, but still wide and thin, nothing at all like Jensen’s lips. That’s a good thing, because Nick is not Jensen, but he’s still a guy. And Jared’s dick likes that fact in a manner obvious enough to curl Nick’s mouth into a smirk.

So maybe Jared does figure something out.

It’s not just about Jensen after all.

  


A few days later he’s watching them film Sam and Alona’s big death scene. Jensen’s next to him, sitting in his director’s chair, but Jared’s standing up with his hands thrust in the pockets of Sam’s jeans, nervous energy rippling through him. It’s a good scene, a great scene, really, and there are more than a few people on the crew who look shiny-eyed. Not many of the old time guest stars from the early years are left and, while Jared understands the drama of killing off the Harvelles, it still makes him a bit nostalgic and sad.

They setup the next shot with the four of them and they run through it a few times just to get it in their bodies before the actual shot. Sam and Dean start to head off and Ellen turns to say goodbye. Sam doesn’t say the line that Ben wrote however, instead improving with “Kick it in the ass.” Jared can feel Jensen tense alongside him, but the scene goes on long enough for the two of them to exit.

Less than five minutes later, Jared is in the bathroom of his trailer throwing his guts up.

Jared barely notices when Jensen slips in and pulls Jared’s head into his lap. He’s stroking Jared’s hair and making little hushing noises, and Jared doesn’t have to explain himself because Jensen always just knows.

Jared wonders sometimes if things were ever as easy as he imagines they were, or if things were always mixed up but they were just young and dumb enough to not realize it. He misses it sometimes, all the time really, yet Jensen is still here for some inexplicable reason, and that is both something and everything at the same time.

Jared doesn’t want to be a coward anymore, but he still stays silent and takes comfort in Jensen taking comfort in him.

  


Things manage to get back to a comfortable clip for a while, though Jensen goes back to LA every single weekend leading up to winter hiatus. Jared stays in Vancouver and finds himself more times than not meeting up with Nick and spending the night at his studio.

It’s a bit unorthodox, but Nick is understanding and not looking for anything serious, and Jared finds that he just needs the physicality of it. It’s like being a teenager again, and fumbling Dina Dixon’s bra strap behind the bleachers after basketball practice. They don’t talk too much about their lives, and if even if Nick wants to ask, he never does, and Jared is grateful for small favors.

He heads to San Antonio for Christmas, and the whole family gathers from their different points of the country, Megan and Jeff and the kids, stuffed into the Padalecki dining room. It’s loud and warm and on Christmas morning, Jared tucks his niece against his chest and feels a sense of peace come over him that he hasn’t felt in a long time. 

He’s helping his mother cut up apples for a pie later that week when his cell phone rings, popping up the drooling Jensen picture he never could bring himself to change. 

“Jensen,” he mouths to his mother, who just smirks and keeps cutting. She hasn’t asked him about how things have progressed between the two of them, and he’s thankful for the lack of badgering. His mama knows that eventually he’ll get there, even if he’s not too sure of that fact himself.

“Mike is forcing me to go to his New Year’s party and you have to fly back to LA and come with me,” Jensen states without preamble when Jared says hello.

“Danni is totally tough enough to take out Rosey if he gets too frisky,” Jared insists, but he’s smiling wider than he has since the last time he saw Jensen, and he’s already heading over to the computer to look at flights.

Jensen snorts. “He locked her in the linen closet with Kristen Bell last time we were over at his house. I think he was under the impression that they were both lesbians and it was a misguided matchmaking attempt.”

“If Danni were a lesbian, she and Kristen would be totally hot together.”

“Are you missing my point on purpose, or is this some sort of straight guy thing that I should know about?”Jensen deadpans and Jared laughs because, fuck, if he only knew.

“Okay, fine, I’ll come, but if he locks me in the closet with Kristen Bell, I can’t be held accountable for my actions.”

“Thank god she already knows what a dork you are. No worries there.”

Jared starts making cooing noises. “Ah baby, look at you caring about my feelings.”

“Shut up, bitch,” Jensen growls but Jared just laughs again and he can hear the smile in Jensen’s voice. “I’ll pick you up from LAX, text me the flight info.”

“Now who’s the bitch?” 

“I’m going to lock you in a closet with Chad.”

“Been there, done that, got the STD test.”

“Danni will bring the Lysol.”

Jared cackles, but he’s imputing his credit card number even as he hangs up the phone.

  


“Hey look! A mythical Padalecki in the wild,” Mike points at him before pushing a beer into his hand and climbing up Jared’s body and attempting a bear hug.

“Someone told me you would lock me in a closet if I got too close to your house,” Jared grins, squeezing him back.

“Not enough room in there with Jensen hogging the closet, ain’t that right, Ackles?” Mike winks, flinging himself bodily onto Jensen, who just shoves him off with an eyeroll.

“Sure thing, loser. Speaking of, where’s Tommy?” Jensen smirks.

“Tom Welling can suck my dick,” Mike hollers, spinning around to make sure everyone in the vicinity heard it. 

Jensen’s laughing, and Jared makes a note to ask for _that_ story later on when they’re alone. “Oh man, I can’t believe you are actually going back for the finale.”

“I’m renovating my pool house with the money from that. It’s worth every second of what will surely be my drunken disdain.”

“Jaybird!” comes a familiar voice from over Mike’s shoulder, and suddenly Jared’s being attacked by a stoned Chad.

“Douche! What are you doing here? Do you even know Mike?” Jared laughs, pulling Chad in for a hug. He hasn’t seen his buddy in ages, and the moron looks damn good.

“Everyone knows Mike,” Chad shrugs, and Mike just looks at them smugly before wandering over to sit on the lap of someone that looks suspiciously like Christian Slater.

“Lysol,” Jensen stage whispers to Jared, and Jared grins so hard his face aches.

Danneel shows up soon after with Steve and Jason, and they drag Jensen off to God knows where. Jared catches up with Chad and Kenzie for a while, until he spots Sandy walking over to him. 

She looks fantastic, winter not diminishing her LA tan, and he doesn’t hesitate before wrapping her up in a gigantic hug. They’ve managed to become civil over the past year or so, and it’s a relief since they actually were friends first.

“You know Mike, too?” Jared laughs incredulously, and she just smirks.

“Everyone knows Mike.”

“Where’s your boyfriend?” Jared asks. He’s happy for her, he is. Brian is good for her, and seems to take care of her a hell of a lot better than Jared ever could.

“He’s getting me a drink,” Sandy replies, waving her hand somewhere in the distance. “What about you? Where’s your boy?”

“Jensen?” he asks, but they both know who she’s talking about.

“Duh, of course Jensen. You guys are fucking, right? You didn’t dump me for nothing?” she deadpans, but he hears amusement and no bitterness in her voice, so he tries not to flinch.

“C’mon, San, it wasn’t like that,” he tries, but she just shoves him in the chest and rolls her eyes.

“Jared, just shut up. We both know that the minute Jensen showed up, it was a wrap,” she insists, and she’s eyeing the flush that he feels creeping up his neck shrewdly.

“We never—" Jared starts and she cuts him off with a raised hand. 

“I know.”

Her face softens then, and she reaches up on her tippy toes to pat his face. “So not yet, huh?”

“I’ve always been a bit slow, right?” he sighs and tries not to notice the pity in her eyes.

“It’s New Years Eve, Jared. Midnight awaits, you know,” she says with a smile before giving him a little wave and heading back into the crowd.

Two minutes to midnight, sitting on the couch pressed shoulder-to-shoulder with Jensen, and Jared thinks about what Sandy’s said. Jensen’s buzzed nicely, head tilted back against the leather, breath warm and eyes half-lidded. It wouldn’t take much for Jared to reach in, press his mouth against those lips he dreams about during ninety percent of his day-to-day life. 

Jared’s phone goes off suddenly, and he’s startled by both the sound and the name “Nick” on the screen. He doesn’t answer, but by the time he looks up, Danneel has settled herself in Jensen’s lap just in time to grab his face and press a big smacking kiss to Jensen’s mouth as midnight strikes and the room explodes with laughter.

  


Jared breaks up with Nick a few days after filming resumes. Of course they were never really dating, so calling it a break up doesn’t really do it justice. They fuck one last time and Jared thinks when he gets home later that night that he never wants to see another double bed as long as he lives.

“A hundred episodes. That’s pretty impressive nowadays, boys,” Kurt says, as they stand around waiting for the crew to reset the climactic green room scene where Zachariah takes an angel sword to the face. 

“Don’t know how I managed to put up with this big freak for that long,” Jensen moans, elbowing Jared in the ribs, as Jared feigns being aghast.

“Trust me, I worked on 'Desperate Housewives'—you’re lucky you all get along so well,” Kurt points out and Jared and Jensen just grin at each other.

“It is pretty cool,” Jared comments later, as they play Mario Kart in Jensen’s trailer.

They’re stuffed full of chicken and rice and have at least an hour until the last setup of the day.

“What is?” Jensen asks, his eyes never leaving the TV screen.

“A hundred episodes. I mean, that’ll never happen again for us.”

Jensen’s mouth curls up just a bit. “That’s for sure. Not when you’re a big action star.”

“I don’t want that,” Jared says quickly, and he means it, surprisingly. 

Jensen’s eyes flicker quickly over to him. “Dude, I know not getting Conan sucked, but it’ll happen one of these days.”

Jared puts down the controller and Jensen does as well after a second. “I’m serious. I mean, there are lots of things I’d like to do one day, obviously, but my priorities have shifted a bit, I guess.”

Jensen looks at him silently, head tilted just so. His skin is just a little flushed from the heat cranking in the trailer, and his hair is gelled to Dean Winchesterian perfection. He’s so stupidly beautiful and Jared wants to kiss him more than anything.

Finally, after a few silent minutes, Jensen rubs his hand over his face and shakes his head a little, like he’s trying to talk himself out of something. Jared wishes that he wouldn’t, wishes Jensen would just say fuck it already and make the first move that he himself is too scared to. 

“Is Danni flying up for the party?” Jared asks instead. 

Jensen’s return smile looks almost grateful as he just nods.

  


“Did Ostroff even remember your name?” Jared laughs, pulling Jensen aside and shoving a glass in his hand.

“She called me Jason,” Jensen rolls his eyes, swallowing the whiskey in one gulp and shuddering a bit.

“Typical. I bet if your name was Chace she’d remember it.”

“He offered me a blowjob at one of Mike’s parties a few years back,” Jensen throws out, bemused.

Jared guffaws. “What did you say?”

“I let him give me a blowjob, duh,” Jensen replies, and then giggles. It’s just cute enough that it cuts through any jealousy that instantly wells up.

“Slut,” Jared says affectionately and Jensen’s eyes grow soft.

“I wish.”

Jared’s just about to head off to grab them reinforcements when one of the party guests comes over to say hi. Jared thinks his name is Billy and he remembers him from the damn New Year’s party that everyone and their mother seemed to be at. Jared realizes with sudden and overwhelming dread that Billy also works on the "Smallville" set and, by extension, with Nick.

“Hey, Jared! Nick knew I was coming tonight with Ashley, and he wanted to tell you bye if I saw you. He’s moving to LA, can you believe it? Guess he’s gonna try for pilot season,” Billy says cheerfully, cradling his champagne class in his hand.

“That’s great, give him my regards,” Jared replies tightly, trying not to be rude, but intensely aware that Jensen is standing directly behind him well within earshot.

“He says you should look him up if you’re down there. You know, if you have time on a weekend or anything,” Billy smirks, and Jared kind of wants to punch him in the face.

“Yeah, I don’t think that’s going to happen,” Jared says, keeping his voice as light as possible without seeming suspicious.

“Oh, damn, well that sucks. Nick only said good things about you, for the record,” Billy shrugs.

“Good things, huh?” Jensen’s voice comes from behind him, and Jared closes his eyes briefly when he hears the edge to it.

Billy must realize that he fucked something up because his eyes get wide for a split second before he’s booking it across the room as fast as his legs can take him.

“It was nothing,” Jared says softly. “I just had to see. But it’s over now, I swear it.”

Jensen’s breath comes in a quick, ragged gasp and Jared finally turns around to face him. He looks…wrecked, and Jared doesn’t know how to fix it.

“There you are, Ackles, c’mon. Showtime, kid.” Bob is coming up to them then, grabbing Jensen by the forearm and dragging him over to the stage to perform like a happy monkey for the party guests.

Jensen doesn’t look back and Jared suddenly can’t breathe.

  


“Jensen.”

Jensen’s hands are flexing against the lapels of Jared’s jacket but he doesn’t pull away.

“I needed to be sure that it wasn’t just because I was so fucked up over you,” Jared says, pressing his forehead against Jensen’s. He feels Jensen tense, but Jared holds on.

“Fuck you for putting this on me. Your identity crisis is not my fault.”

“Exactly, Jensen, that’s exactly what I was trying not to do,” Jared insists. He pauses for just a heartbeat before just laying all his cards on the table. “But now I know, fuck, Jensen, I finally get it.”

“You don’t get to do this again,” Jensen murmurs. His breath is hot against Jared’s mouth.

“Do what?”

“Not mean it.”

And because Jared’s never meant anything more in his life, he finally kisses Jensen.

It’s hot and overwhelming and totally reckless to do it where they are at, but when Jensen groans deep and slides his arms tightly around Jared’s neck to pull Jared even closer to him, it’s completely fucking worth it.

The sensation of kissing Jensen is completely different without the foggy haze of alcohol covering it. It’s more intense, of course, purer, but as Jensen fucks his tongue into Jared’s mouth, it also makes Jared feel wild and giddy. He’s tugging at Jensen’s belt buckle before he even realizes what his hands are doing.

“Let me,” Jared insists, and Jensen’s hips thrust up involuntarily.

“What are you doing,” Jensen slurs around Jared’s mouth, but Jared manages to rip himself away and drops to his knees. 

Jensen stares down at him dumbly, his expression unblinking and unbelieving, as Jared pulls down Jensen’s zipper and slides his dress pants down the curve of his thighs.

“Just let me, Jensen, let me.”

Jared presses his face to Jensen’s groin, running his nose along the bulge of Jensen’s cock pushing hard against his boxer briefs. Jensen’s smell is stronger like this, sweat and pre-come mingling together, and it’s intoxicating even through the material separating them.

“You don’t have to,” Jensen croaks out, and Jared sees how fucking terrified he is. Terrified that he’ll get what he finally wants. Terrified that Jared will take it all back.

“Fuck man, this is all I’ve thought about,” Jared huffs out a laugh as he bites his lip and peels the Calvin Kleins down Jensen’s body. Jensen’s cock slaps across his belly, red and smooth and fucking delicious as Jared licks a stripe from root to tip.

Jensen growls as Jared runs his tongue around the crown of his dick, just suckling the head. “It’s not fucking fair I didn’t get to teach you this.”

Jared doesn’t know how to apologize, or how to explain, so he just reaches up and runs his fingers soothingly across Jensen’s ribs and looks up at him with wide eyes as he takes Jensen’s cock as far into his mouth as he can manage.

Jensen is staring down at him with a wild expression, but it’s tinged with wonder and when he wraps his hands in the long strands of Jared’s hair, Jared purrs against his dick as a sign of acceptance.

It’s quick after that, sloppy and wet as Jared tries not to gag from Jensen’s hips slapping against his face. It’s penance almost, for being so slow, for taking so long. For wasting all the time they could have had each other if he had just let himself remember in the morning.

Jensen taps a frantic warning against Jared’s shoulder, but Jared shakes his head in refusal and just keeps on sucking until Jensen’s is coming hot and smooth down his throat. He coughs a little bit, but tries to swallow around it, closing his eyes and letting the first taste of Jensen engulf his senses.

“Fuck, Jared,” Jensen gasps, as Jared manages to pull himself to his feet and spins Jensen around against the wall. Jared unzips himself frantically, pushing his pants and briefs down in one quick move until they bracket his thighs together.

He can tell Jensen’s legs are weak, so Jared props him up, one arm firmly around Jensen’s waist and the other holding his wrists to the wall. 

“Tighten your thighs,” Jared hisses into Jensen’s ear, biting the lobe and then licking down Jensen’s neck as Jared bends down low enough to slide his dick into the pocket between the meat of Jensen’s thighs.

Jensen gets with the program quickly, and Jared can feel the hard line of muscle clenching around him, perfect pressure against his cock, tugging him in like a vice at the same time Jensen rolls his hips in search of a rhythm.

Jared moans as he buries his face in the back of Jensen’s head, the sweat from Jensen’s hair smearing across his cheeks. He breathes Jensen in, the mix of his scent with the taste of Jensen’s come still on Jared’s tongue driving him right over the end, and he orgasms with a muffled shout right where he is tucked up along the underside of Jensen’s balls.

They stay like that for a minute, both panting and silent, slumped against the wall sticky and sated. 

Jared feels Jensen freezing as he comes back to himself, and he won’t let it happen, won’t let Jensen freak out and run away when they finally, _finally_ are right here where they belong.

He moves to turn Jensen around until they are facing each other, and reaches down to trail one hand through the come on Jensen’s thighs, Jared’s come, marking Jensen up just for him. He strokes through the mess as he leans in and presses his mouth to Jensen’s, a soft, sweet kiss full of all the promises Jared doesn’t know how to voice.

They stay like that for a little while, mouths moving against each other. The sounds of the party, of their friends and their co-workers and their lives, ignored for one brief moment in time. 

“Let’s go home,” Jared says and Jensen opens his eyes and just stares at him for a long moment before nodding silently.

They slide their pants back over the mess, and it makes Jared hot all over that Jensen walks back into the party with Jared’s come dripping down his legs. He follows Jensen mutely, realizing after a minute that he’s searching for Danneel.

The look on her face when she sees them is a mixture of trepidation and relief, and she shoots a quick glance at Jared when Jensen presses the keys to his apartment into her palm.

“You okay with Clif taking you back?” Jensen asks quietly, and Jared can barely make out the words since Jensen and Danneel are standing so close together.

Danneel bites her lip, eyes darting between Jensen and Jared a few times, before the tension in her shoulders finally releases and she looks solely at Jensen. She takes Jensen’s face in her hands, holding him tight, and presses a kiss full to his mouth. If Jared hadn’t had Jensen’s dick in his mouth not ten minutes prior, he might actually be jealous.

She releases him finally and Jensen’s mouth, still swollen from Jared’s teeth and tongue, curls up into a shy, happy smile.

Jared’s wearing a matching one as he leads Jensen out into the cold night air.

  


They are silent in the cab back to the house, and it’s a little awkward until Jared reaches out to wrap his hand lightly around Jensen’s knee. He needs to touch, as a reassurance to them both that they are here and that this is real. Jared’s touched Jensen a million times in the past five years, but it’s never meant as much as it does in this moment, when Jensen covers Jared’s hand with his own.

The dogs attack Jensen the minute they walk in the door, and Jared’s ashamed to admit that he had forgotten all about them in anticipation of the night. Jensen drops immediately to the ground, petting and belly-rubbing and letting Harley salivate all over his shirt, all the while laughing as freely and happily as Jared has seen him in way too long. He looks up at Jared from his spot on the floor, surrounded by Jared’s kids, with a grin that could beat the fucking sun, and Jared knows suddenly that everything is going to be totally okay. Because, this? This is them, and who and what they are meant to be.

Jensen finally untangles himself and Jared goes to settle the dogs in their beds. When he’s done, he heads into the kitchen, where Jensen is washing dog slobber off himself in the sink.

“Hey,” Jared says softly, and Jensen smiles at him over his shoulder. 

“Hey.”

Jensen turns back to the sink, and shuts the water off, but pauses there for a minute, back to Jared. His wet hands are flexing against the stainless steel and Jared holds his breath, letting Jensen take the time he needs to take to come to realization that Jared’s already had.

“Did he fuck you?” 

It’s not the question Jared’s expecting to hear, but there’s something in Jensen’s voice that makes Jared realize it’s suddenly very important how he answers.

“No. Never.”

Jensen lets out a little stuttering sigh, and he reaches over to wipe his hands on a dish towel before turning back around to Jared. Jensen takes the few steps necessary to reach him, and puts his hands against Jared’s neck. 

“I’m gonna, okay?”

Jensen’s hands trail down, feeling Jared swallow. 

“Yeah.”

“Only me, Jared. Only me.”

“Only you. It will only ever be you, Jensen.”

Jensen is kissing him then, and it’s different, better. It’s a kiss that says that there’s no rush, that they have all the time in the world. Their whole lives if they want it.

It’s a perfect kiss, right there in the kitchen that Jared knows is rightfully theirs, and not just his. One day he hopes it’ll be that again, but like the kiss itself, there’s no rush.

By the time they make it to the bedroom, they’ve managed to get most of their clothes off, bumping into walls, and tripping on the stairs. They laugh every time Jared almost takes out both of them or Jensen huffs an “ow!” into Jared’s mouth. The anticipation is still there, the lust and the heat, but it’s overwhelmed suddenly by the giddiness of it all, the amazing feeling that comes with knowing something right is about to happen.

Jared closes his eyes and sinks into the bed as Jensen mouths across the cut of his hipbones, tongue warm and wet as it trails down into the dip of Jared’s pelvis. Jensen’s hands are pulling off Jared’s boxer briefs, and then he’s peppering soft kisses to the head of Jared’s steel hard dick.

“I knew you’d be this big, so good,” Jensen murmurs around where he’s holding the crown of Jared’s cock in his mouth, bottom lip rubbing against the tiny batch of nerves underneath. 

Jared cries out when Jensen finally takes him into his mouth, and opens his eyes so that he can see what he’s been fantasizing about for what he has to admit was far longer than is appropriate. 

Jensen’s beautiful like this, puffy lips tight around Jared’s dick, thin skin of his eyelids fluttering as he squeezes his eyes tight and goes with taste and sensation. Jared clutches his hands in the sheets as Jensen pulls off with a pop and then goes lower, dragging his tongue with purpose down Jared’s perineum and twirling it around the furl of Jared’s hole.

Jared’s had a couple fingers up there during a blowjob, but this part is new, the feel of wet muscle breaking through the ring and fucking him open to prepare him to take another man’s cock.

But it isn’t just another man—it’s Jensen. And that thought alone lets Jared relax into it, knowing that Jensen will take care of him and make him feel better than he ever has before.

Jensen pulls off just long enough to grab the lube out of Jared’s nightstand, and the fact that Jensen knows exactly where to find it should tell him something. Jared just laughs then, and Jensen smirks as he kisses the inside of Jared’s thigh and slicks his fingers up before pressing two of them inside.

Jared grunts and Jensen’s fingers still, waiting for Jared to relax again, to sink into the bed and let Jensen prep him. Jared gives a tiny nod and then Jensen is pressing again, sweeping the slick around his inner walls and stretching him enough to get a third finger in there to help the other two out.

“Are you gonna fuck me soon, or are you gonna make me wait another five years?” Jared grits out, spreading his thighs as wantonly as possible and fucking himself on Jensen’s fingers.

Jensen looks at him with suddenly dark eyes, and twists his fingers with a totally evil chuckle.

They start kissing again, deep kisses that are both urgent and slow at the same time. Jensen pulls back just long enough to slide a condom onto his dick, obviously trying hard not to come from the contact alone, and then seals his mouth to Jared’s again before slowly pushing into Jared’s body.

He stills about halfway in, letting Jared adjust to the brand new intrusion. Jensen kisses him through it, distracting him with teeth and spit, letting Jared taste himself on Jensen’s tongue. It’s dirty and hot and perfect, and Jared’s in such a haze that he barely realizes that Jensen’s managed to slam his way completely in.

Jensen’s balancing on his forearms bracketed around Jared’s head, and Jared’s legs are wrapped around Jensen’s waist as Jensen fucks into him lazily. They don’t stop kissing, can’t stop even if they wanted to, needing the connection in any possible way they can get it. There’s the moment when the burning pain turns completely to pleasure, and Jared pushes the meat of his fingers into Jensen’s back and just hangs on.

Jared’s coming embarrassingly fast as soon as Jensen’s palm even grazes his cock, and the clench of his muscles pulls Jensen right over the edge with him. They remain together, breathing heavily into each other’s mouth. It’s a long time before Jensen pulls out and Jared doesn’t want to let him go.

  


Jared manages to get in about twenty minutes of watching Jensen snore the next morning before Jensen is snuffling and opening one eye at him.

“Morning, sunshine,” Jared beams. Jensen hates mornings, and Jared is kind of pleased beyond reason that he actually has an excuse to be there to torment him by waking him up.

Jensen makes a completely miserable face, and Jared shouldn’t find it as adorable as he does. 

“You’re going to be that creepy boyfriend that watches me sleep, aren’t you?” Jensen grumbles, and then freezes bodily when he seems to realize that he used the “b” word.

All it does is make Jared smile even harder, and he’s kissing the morning breath out of Jensen before he can get another word in edgewise. When he finally pulls off, he nods happily. “And you better get used to it, too. I’m going to be the creepiest boyfriend you’ll ever have.”

“Only boyfriend, maybe?” Jensen says. Jared knows that he’s only being vulnerable like this because he’s still half-asleep, but Jared’s not a good enough man to resist using it to his advantage.

“Definitely the only boyfriend,” Jared echoes, and kisses him again.

Jared manages to get them into the shower a little while later, and they need it if only to wash the spunk off their bodies. Not that Jared minds Jensen’s come all over him, but a soapy, wet, sleepy Jensen is maybe even better.

Jared leans Jensen back against the tiles, slicking his hands down Jensen’s backside and tucking them under his ass to lift. Their naked cocks, hard now from the friction and the steam of the shower, slide together, and Jensen moans into Jared’s mouth. Jared eats the sound, reaching back blindly to slick up his fingers with shower gel and then pressing them back down deep inside of Jensen. 

Jensen tilts his head back against the wall, gasping out little panting breaths as Jared fucks two huge fingers inside of him while licking the line of Jensen’s dripping wet throat. Jared’s hand inside him is holding them together, and he uses his other one to grasp Jensen’s cock, twisting on the upstroke at the same time he presses hard against Jensen’s prostate. Jensen’s coming with a shout all over both their bellies, and Jared uses it to jack himself off fast and hard until he’s adding to it.

It takes Jared another minute to pull his fingers out, as he continues to nuzzle the side of Jensens’s throat. He thinks about getting Jensen back into bed and fucking him well into the afternoon.

“My asshole’s gonna smell like Old Spice now, you dick,” Jensen suddenly grumbles and Jared laughs so hard, he has to keep himself from falling over and smacking his head against the tile.

  


“Finally,” Misha says the following Monday morning, chewing on a bagel as he leans up against the door to the makeup trailer.

“Finally what?” Jensen says, eyeing him carefully. Jared just snorts.

Misha rolls his eyes and turns to face Jared. “Does this mean you are going to be more or less likely to play with my balls during scenes?”

“What do your balls want me to do?” Jared asks, putting on his most serious expression.

Misha thinks for a minute, finishing his bagel and then nodding. “I think they’d probably miss you, actually.”

“Well then, that’s decided,” Jensen snarks. “So glad we had this talk. Can I get some fucking coffee now?” He pushes into the trailer with a prissy huff and slams the door behind him.

“Gee, I figured getting laid would help,” Misha grins.

Jared looks at him in surprise. “How did—"

Misha holds up a hand and then mimes zipping his lips. “Don’t worry, child. Your little secret is safe with me.”

Jared lets out the relieved sigh he didn’t know he was holding as Misha starts walking away.

“But, I can’t promise what I might tell the internet anonymously,” he adds with a wave, before turning the corner.

“Douchebag,” Jared laughs, and rejoins his boyfriend.

  


The season five wrap party is just like every other wrap party in the same way that it’s not. Russ still embarrasses himself with the tequila shots. Bob plays the harmonica. Clif dances a drunken tango with Jeannie until Johnny Mac comes to save her. Just another year winding down the "Supernatural" set.

But this time, when Jared and Jensen stumble back to the house, Jared gets to press Jensen up against the hallway and suck his dick right through the opening of his pants until Jensen’s coming all over the bottom half of Jared’s face. Jensen licks it off afterwards though, so it’s even better. Hopefully the alcohol in Jared’s system won’t fuck his recovery time too badly, because he wants to throw Jensen down and get as far up inside of him as he can manage.

They’ve been together like this for a few months already, and there’s something in Jared that says that the time is right for him to ask Jensen to move back in with him. Hiatus is coming up, and there are lots of things they need to discuss in that time, but the only thing Jared is certain about is that he wants them to try this again, to prove to themselves that they can make it work this time.

Jared has a fuzzy and moderately drunk Jensen pressed up against him naked in bed—what is always going to be _their_ bed to Jared—a little while later, when he just blurts it out.

“Move back in here with me.”

Jensen stills, but he doesn’t pull away, and Jared takes that as a good sign.

“What will people think?” Jensen asks, and Jared knows it’s a sensible question. This thing between them is too new and perfect to let the outside world get its hands on it just yet.

“I don’t care.”

“Jared…”

“I love you, Jensen.”

He doesn’t mean to say it for the first time like this, while they are drunk and exhausted and discussing something as important as living arrangements. But dammit, this is important too, and he has to say it because there’s suddenly nothing in the world he means more.

Jensen’s silent and Jared’s scared all of a sudden, so he does the only thing he thinks of to do, and keeps talking.

“I love you, Jensen, and I want to be with you for as long as you’ll have me. Hopefully forever, although that’s corny as fuck, and I’m sure you’ll be a really hot senior citizen who can get a sexy young guy and you probably won’t want me when my hair starts falling out and I get arthritis from being so tall like my Great Uncle Phil, who totally shrank like three inches one year, which sucked for Great Aunt Lucy, who still liked to wear heels even though she’s like eighty—"

Jensen’s laughing as he presses his mouth over Jared’s just to shut him up.

“I love you too, you idiot. And I’ll love you even when you lose your hair and shrink three inches.”

“Is that right?” Jared leers, pressing his hips up into Jensen, who proceeds to bite his neck.

Jared gets serious again for a minute, and holds Jensen in the circle of his arms. Everything he didn’t know he wanted for the past five years is suddenly right where it’s supposed to be.

“So does that mean you’ll move back in when the new season starts?”

Jensen murmurs the words against the skin of Jared’s neck, and the intimacy of it makes the response that much sweeter. “Yes, Jared. I’m saying yes.”


	6. Season 6

  


Jensen’s mostly awake. He can feel the sun warming his skin and the gentle shift of Jared on the other side of the mattress. He hears the wet smack of lips and imagines Jared opening and closing his mouth and rolling his eyes open.

It’s strange, Jensen thinks, that for all the hours, days, months, _years_ they’ve spent together, it took this long for him to know how Jared wakes in the morning.

He feels a short tap at his shoulder then knuckles rubbing the skin a few times before Jared’s hand is completely gone. This isn’t entirely new – Jared’s little touches like he’s testing that Jensen’s awake or assuring each other there’s more than just casual touches these days.

Jensen rolls over and smoothly slides atop Jared with a sleepy smile. He takes Jared’s mouth without care that it’s too fucking early in the morning for either of them to have decent breath. Jared seems to be on board because he opens his lips wide and snakes his tongue around Jensen’s instantly.

He’s sure that along with losing their clothes, they’re also losing time on the morning before their ride will be there to collect them. They could end it all with a quick dual hand job, messy head, even just rubbing against each other’s sweat-sticky bodies, but what’s the fun in that these days?

Instead, Jensen opens Jared up, gets inside, and slowly fucks him while they’re buried in Jared’s pale and navy blue blankets and sheets. Jared doesn’t seem to care for time either as he softly strokes over Jensen’s shoulders and his back, kisses him even slower.

Just thinking of the fact that something like this had been a far off hope for six goddamned years but is now a reality makes Jensen tremble and come. He knows he’s making unreal humming noises when it happens, burying his face into Jared’s neck, as he fucks through the last tremors and rests heavily on him.

Jared _unffs_ and tickles Jensen’s side, making them both chuckle. Jensen shifts up and they jack Jared off together. When Jared’s body tightens up with his orgasm, he clenches around Jensen still inside, and Jensen feels his heart kick up.

After more kissing that Jensen justifies as them constantly making up for the nearly two thousand days they’d wasted, Jensen finally gets out of bed, slips on his boxer briefs, and goes to the bathroom. When he sees himself in the mirror, fussy haired and pale as shit, he rubs a hand over his face and smiles. Then he groans when he looks closer.

“Fuck, you gotta shave more often.”

Jared stumbles into the bathroom and stands behind him with a dopey smile. “What? You don’t like my rugged face?”

Jensen rubs fingers over the beard burn all around his mouth and winces when he thinks about showing up on set. “Seriously, Shannon’s gonna kill me.”

Jared kisses Jensen’s shoulder, rubs his stubble across the skin, and hums.

“Stop that,” Jensen says, shrugging Jared away. They both have shirtless scenes this week and Jensen’s is this morning with Cindy. The last thing he needs is her opening her loud – though hilarious – mouth to talk about how his body looks like a beast attacked him. That will likely only lead to jokes about Jared, and for all that they can deflect and deny, they don’t need to give anyone any openings. “I was pretty damn nice to you yesterday morning, you know.”

“Am I supposed to shave every four hours?”

“That’d be nice.”

“I’ll think about it,” Jared mumbles. He opens the shower door and starts the water, smirking over his shoulder. “Just for you, sweetheart.”

Jensen leans on the bathroom counter and watches Jared shower through the clear glass just starting to fog up. “And I’ll think about sleeping in my own bed again.”

Jared laughs (Jensen does a bit, too) and flings shampoo bubbles against the glass door. “No you wouldn’t.”

“I would,” he insists.

“And then I’d have clean sheets.”

“No, you wouldn’t,” Jensen laughs harder than before.

“Okay, maybe I wouldn’t. What’re you doing anyway? Get in here.”

Jensen smirks. “Just admiring the view.”

 

The house is not as he remembered it. The cream brick appears more of a dusty yellow, the trim is some sort of bland gray, and the bushes are a bit wildly overgrown as they cover most of the front windows.

It’s only been a few months since he last saw it. But maybe it all seems different because it was dark and he was drunk, and Jared was stumbling along with him up the walk. An hour after that, Jared had asked him to move back in and given that Jared had just sucked him nearly dry, he didn’t have any complaints towards the idea.

“Hey,” Jared says nonchalantly, leaning in the open doorway to his home.

Jensen thinks it’s bullshit that Jared can be so cool and relaxed about the entire ordeal. Jensen’s not the one who had to survive a sexual identity crisis in the last twelve months, and yet _he’s_ the one who’s starting to feel tense as he looks at Jared smiling at him. He adjusts the strap on his duffle, tugging it higher on his shoulder, and lamely waves as he does it. “Hey, yourself.”

Jared strides down the sidewalk with the same easy smile. “You need help with stuff in the truck?”

The second bag in Jensen’s hand is starting to feel heavy, but he just tucks the straps deeper into his palm and shakes his head. “Nah, I’m good. Can get it later.”

It’s extremely slow, but Jared’s face starts to drop. His eyes narrow and smile dims, and Jensen feels himself doing the same now. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing’s going on,” Jensen insists immediately.

“Why do you look scared?”

“Why do _you_?”

“I’m not scared.”

“Well, you look it.” Jensen knows it’s illogical to argue about this, but he’s feeling defensive, and nervous, and okay, maybe a little scared.

“You do, too,” Jared says with an awkward laugh then sobers. “Seriously, what’s going on? You don’t want to move in? Don’t want to do this now? Did things really change in the two weeks since I saw you in Texas?”

Truth be told, Jensen’s waiting for the floor to drop out. For Kurt-cum-Zachariah to pop up and laugh and insist that Jensen’s been hanging out in the glorified angel green room for the last few months and - ha, ha - there ain’t no way that Jared is actually bi or gay or whatever-for-Jensen.

He knows it’s stupid to get so hung up on the fear of it. He’s a reasonable adult. He knows the ups and downs of relationships and sometimes what you want most in the world you just can’t have no matter how hard you hang onto it.

“Jensen,” Jared says quietly and Jensen takes his eyes from the house to stare at Jared.

The earnest look in those lil' pup eyes get to Jensen, making his stomach flip and heart beat faster, something more solid in his chest. “Let’s get inside. I don’t want to make a production out here.”

“But you wanna make a production in there?”

Jensen sighs then smiles crookedly. “I want to drop off my bags, man.”

“Alright, of course.” Jared grabs the bag in Jensen’s hand and leads him up the walk. His gait is awkward and shoulders tense, and Jensen feels sorry for it instantly.

Once inside, they both seem to stall near the bedroom off the main hall where Jensen used to sleep, once upon a time. Jared flashes a quick smile and Jensen tries to return it but then just dumps his bag where it is.

The noise of it echoes in the hall and makes Jared jump, again making Jensen feel bad.

“Okay,” Jensen says then breathes deep to calm himself. “This feels a little weird, a lot like déjà vu, and I’m trying, okay?”

“Trying to what?”

He laughs nervously. “To not freak out.”

“I think I freaked out enough for us in the last two years.”

Jensen nods, because it surely had to be a major case of self-exploration and doubt and worry and all things that Jensen had experienced a long time ago when it finally hit him that he wasn’t the white-picket-fence, trophy-wife, and two-point-four-kids husband everyone expected him to be.

To deflect, Jensen goes to the living room and looks around. “Somehow it seems like you’ve changed everything in this place.”

“Not really. Just a few things on the wall, the DVDs are in the other corner.”

Motioning towards the picture window shielded by the overgrown bushes, Jensen smirks. “And you’ve obviously let your gardener slack.”

“No, that was kind of a conscious decision.”

Jensen can’t stop himself from staring at the dimple on Jared’s left cheek, a result of Jared biting his lower lip. Then he’s staring at Jared’s mouth as it comes closer and Jared smiles and kisses him self-assuredly. Jensen can feel his nerves jump and he’s not sure when they’ll settle down enough to realize that this is what they are now. Soon enough, Jared’s tongue is in his mouth and Jensen’s cupping Jared’s face to keep him close and deepen the kiss.

When they slow down, Jared mumbles between more kisses. “Didn’t want to be too obvious. You know, the neighbors.”

Jensen turns his head to stare at the curtain of foliage blocking the street from view and he realizes that they are actually blocked from anyone else’s view. He smiles and pulls Jared right back in.

  


Directing the first episode they tape is exhilarating and absolutely exhausting. Jensen thrills at all of the intimate details he is now in charge of, able to weigh in on, and even veto. That power withers as the nights go on long and he’s feeling boneless and drunk and loopy. But in a bad way, because when Jared is still lingering on the edge of the set, he’s not even that happy to see him.

He suddenly feels anxious like he’s being analyzed; as if Jared will compare Jensen’s work to every other director they’ve worked with in the past.

It takes a few moments to realize he’s staring at Jared talking to the crew lingering around, waiting to film the scene again. Serge nudges Jensen and he flinches and when he looks at Jared again, Jared’s looking at him with a small, tight smile. Jensen nods briefly and gets back to work.

It’s still difficult to concentrate. He’s been on set since dawn and the sun has likely already gone down. Jared didn’t have anything to film today but he’s been hanging around, popping up here and there, chatting up their friends in between takes. It makes Jensen slightly jealous – that Jared’s just having fun, is taking advantage of the day off to screw around. Jensen’s been working hard all day long and he’s not up for having Jared at the back of his mind right now because it’s distracting him from his work.

An hour later, he approaches Jared and sighs while trying to force a smile. “Why’re you still hanging around?” Jensen asks.

Jared shrugs. “Just seeing how it goes.”

Jensen gives him a look. “You know how it goes.”

“It’s different now.”

Jensen’s not sure if he means because he’s the one giving orders or if it’s because of what they are now. Either way, he’s feeling itchy. Something nags when he thinks about the latter, because no one on set knows what’s going on, only that Jensen moved back in with Jared. There had been plenty of jokes that this is what Jensen does when Jared has a break-up, saves Jared from debilitating loneliness. Sometimes he hates how close everyone is to toss out those sorts of barbs.

“Just head on home,” Jensen insists. “Take advantage of being on your own.”

“I don’t wanna be on my own,” Jared replies oddly.

“Play with the dogs, play your shitty music on high, and make a mess of everything. I won’t be there to care.”

He’s trying to joke, but he knows it came out tense and that Jared isn’t amused.

Jared glances up and around them, nods curtly, and twists his mouth into an awkward smile. “Yeah, alright. I’ll go play with the kids, because they’d be good company.”

Jensen sighs at Jared’s quick exit. Miraculously, Jensen spends the rest of the evening feeling like every eye is on him, ready for judgment. Surprisingly, he prefers that to the tension brewing in his stomach over that conversation with Jared.

  


Jensen stumbles into the bedroom well past midnight and attempts doing so as quietly as possible to not wake Jared. He strips down quickly, only barely caring where all the clothes go on his way to bed. He slips under the covers, pulls them over his shoulder, and ducks his head down to sleep.

He’s starting to drift off when the bed shifts and Jared turns over towards him. “Why do you wanna direct?” Jared asks.

Without opening his eyes, Jensen mumbles, “This is what we’re gonna talk about now?”

“I’m just wondering why you want to? Has it been all that you thought it would be?”

Jensen shifts his head higher on his pillow and blows out a long breath. “It’s ten times as draining as a 16-hour acting sheet.”

“Then why?”

He’s likely projecting, but it’s suddenly feeling tense in the bedroom. Jensen opens his eyes to meet Jared’s in the pale moonlight filtering in through the windows. “Am I that bad at it?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“Then why are you asking?”

“Because I’m wondering if it’s worth it for you. To be all fussed up and closing yourself off.”

“I’m not,” Jensen starts then sighs. He decides instead to focus on Jared. “Why were you hanging around today?”

“I wanted to.”

“Just wanted to?”

Jared shrugs a little and lifts his eyebrows. “Wanted to see how the day went, how you did.”

“And how’d I do?”

“Aside from the crankiness, pretty damned well.”

Jensen chuckles and shuts his eyes, takes a long breath in. “I felt like you were watching me on purpose.”

Jared slides closer, ringing an arm over Jensen’s waist and pressing his cheek to Jensen’s forehead. “I was. You’re kinda hot, and authority looks good on you. Competence, too.”

Jensen immediately slides his leg between Jared’s and slips right against Jared’s body. “So you weren’t taking notes on how I suck compared to Phil.”

Jared kisses Jensen’s forehead, slowly moves down to rub his nose along Jensen’s, before murmuring at his mouth. “Nah, I was admiring you in those jeans.”

“Hope you weren’t comparing that to Phil, too.”

They each smile as they kiss softly. Jensen’s too tired to let it go further and he’s got another early call in the morning. He groans as Jared slips his hand under Jensen’s shirt, and drops his head down under Jared’s chin. “I have to be up in like two hours again.”

“Yeah, see, I don’t think I like you directoring.”

Jensen chuckles at Jared’s complaint and settles into the mattress and Jared’s arms.

“But you are good at it,” Jared mumbles into Jensen’s hair.

“I know I was a shit to you.”

“You’re just tired,” Jared excuses away. “Now I know for next time to keep you properly fucked over throughout the day.”

Jensen hums as he imagines running off between resets to let Jared cool his anxiety. “So long as you’re not obvious about it.”

“So long as _you’re_ not,” Jared counters. “You with a blissed-out face, freshly fucked hair, you’ll be the most obvious belle of the ball.”

With a soft laugh, Jensen turns to his back and tugs Jared with him, forcing him to blanket him. “Alright, I direct you to finish in five minutes and to never say _belle of the ball_ again.”

Jared immediately rocks his hips down into Jensen’s, dragging moans from them both. He whispers, “Direction taken,” and kisses Jensen hard.

  


They go on through the season and battle issues on set – Jensen’s pretty vocal about his dislike for the arc, how difficult it is to face _this_ Sam, or even how he could tear his hair out with worry over directing. There are fits and starts to Jensen living back with Jared and sharing every spare inch of his life. And there are the worries that come and go with wondering how it’ll all work between them, what with being together but not letting anyone in on the secret.

Jared laughs at him and says most everyone knows but won’t speak a word. Tells him to start chewing Valium like vitamins, and to just let himself enjoy this new life they’re building.

It doesn’t always help. Sometimes Jensen wants to fight it all harder just because he’s used to being on the other side of Jared’s life. But Jared does a decent job of convincing him from time to time.

  


The only one who says a word about it is Kripke. Which Jensen supposes is deserved, even if it seems like Kripke is actually the only person on set to _not_ realize what’s really going on. Eric’s mad, but not quite a genius.

“You aren’t any less obvious about it,” Eric says on a quick visit halfway through the season.

“Am I any more?” Jensen asks even as he’s aware he’s watching Jared chat with Mike Rohl about their next scene. How to work through Sam’s angst of not wanting his soul shoved back up into his body.

“It’s a close call.” Eric rolls his eyes. “Still a fucking bad idea.”

“I don’t know,” Jensen trails off with an easy shrug.

“You’re either denser than a brick wall or you hate authority.”

“I’d rather go with the latter.”

“Yeah, you would.” Eric sighs and shakes his head. “Trying to fuck your costar is the worst fucking thing you’ve ever done.”

“Did you give this speech to Jared?”

“Why would I give the speech to Jare – _ohmygodfuckingno!_ ” Jensen shrugs and Eric slaps a hand over his face, dragging it down dramatically. “I didn’t wanna believe a word about - well shit, obviously that was just my mind trying to protect me.”

Jensen chuckles awkwardly. It’s not like he enjoys knowing – or imagining – that Jared fucked around for a while with some other guy when Jensen was ready and willing to walk Jared through every step of finding himself as being pretty damned gay.

“Oh Jesus, whatever, I guess you got what you wanted in the end.”

He allows that statement to simmer. He nods when it all settles and manages to not smirk too hard when he slaps Eric on the back. “Yeah.”

  


Paley whips by in a blur of cameras and suits and laughter. Jensen can’t remember the last time he got this much enjoyment out of talking about his job and hanging with his coworkers and friends.

Danneel, too, because she’s an angel at his side, looking ridiculously polished and beautiful. She’s comfortable in front of the cameras and keeps cracking quick jokes in Jensen’s ear, which keeps him loose and smiling the entire time.

She squeezes his hand when they stop to take pictures with Jared and Genevieve and it’s a comfort, because there’s still a tiny flare at seeing Jared and his ex standing side-by-side. Even when Jensen remembers well that he and Jared had spent most of their morning in bed together.

“How long have you been like this?” Danneel asks when they’re inside and preparing for their panel.

“Like what?” Jensen replies with Jared saying the same, at the same time, and that seems to make both women laugh.

“Did you seriously plan these outfits?” Genevieve asks flatly.

Jared drops his hand on Jensen’s shoulder. “I don’t think Jensen really plans to look this good. Doesn’t take a lot of work.”

“Unlike you,” Jensen replies.

Jared runs his other hand down his chest, pats his lower abdomen. “I’m proud of my investment.”

Jensen silently admits that he, too, is proud of Jared’s investment to toning his body the way it is. It is more than enough when they’re alone and Jensen can slowly undress Jared and…this is not the time or place to start thinking of all those things.

Danneel smacks the back of Jensen’s head. “Stop it, you’re drooling.”

Jensen scowls, and can see from the corner of his eye that Jared winks at them both.

“You are disgusting,” Genevieve sighs at Jared. “And obvious.”

Jared squeezes Jensen’s shoulder. “Doubt that’s ever gonna stop.”

Just then, the Paley people swarm around and the rest of their panel are shuffling along to join them. Danneel and Genevieve each say their goodbyes and Jensen’s left staring at Jared. Who’s just staring and smiling back at Jensen.

Jensen smirks. “Never gonna stop, huh?”

“You’re stuck with me, buddy.”

And just like that, every little worry, every second of angst that the bottom’s about to fall out on _Jared-n-Jensen_ just excuses itself away, and Jensen grins back. 

They’re good.

The buzz lasts throughout the night, and when he and Jared return to Jensen’s place in L.A., he’s still feeling warm and fuzzy.

“You should wear it to bed,” Jared says against his neck. He’s standing behind Jensen in the kitchen to share a beer after midnight, and Jared can’t stop stroking his large palms and fingers over the delicate fabric of Jensen’s suit jacket.

“I was thinking the opposite.”

“Taking it off?”

Jensen smirks and lets Jared continue to maul him as he sips from his beer bottle. It’s not like Jensen ever stopped him from it before. “I was thinking the flannel pajamas my mom got me for Christmas. They always remind me of home. She’s a great gift giver.”

Jared groans and lightly pushes Jensen away. “Can you not mention your mom when I’m trying to seduce you.”

“Seduce me?” Jensen chuckles and turns around. “You gotta work on your technique.”

Jared tugs him by his belt, bringing them flush together. “I’m working pretty hard here. You’re the one who’s playing hard to get.”

“I was never hard to get,” Jensen replies with a soft smile.

“Then I guess I was just slow.”

Jensen makes a face, taking his time to think about it. “Yeah, I’d say you’re pretty slow.”

Jared backwalks them out of the kitchen and into the hall with his fingers still tucked into Jensen’s belt. “Then why’re we wasting more time when we could be making up for it.”

Jensen thinks on the fact that Jared may have been slow, but he’s also pretty fucking smart. He decides to follow Jared right along. It’s not like he never did before. The difference is, these days it pays off.

  


Jensen thinks if he hears the countdown one more time, he’ll throw shit, yank his hair out, and kick the Impala.

Well, maybe not that. He couldn’t hurt Baby when Kim’s the one being a jackass.

“One…two…three!” Kim calls out slowly. Still Jared falters when he tugs open the passenger side door and heaves his giant body into the seat and shuts the door, Jensen beating him by two full seconds.

So maybe Jared’s the jackass.

“You are a moron!” Jensen shouts at Jared, the noise echoing in the close quarters of the Impala’s front seat.

Jared laughs and shakes his hands out like he’s nervous. “I’m getting there!”

“You’re getting nowhere but closer to a swift kick in the ass!”

Jared keeps on laughing as he steps back out of the car. Once on their own two feet, Jensen and Jared each shake out their arms and glance across the fake parking lot to Kim and Company set behind them to film what should be the easiest take of the day: getting into the fucking car.

Over the hood of the car, Jared smirks at Jensen and Jensen wants to throttle him, but he’s learned in their short time together that there’s no such thing as willpower around Jared Padalecki.

“Let’s do this!” Jared announces, spinning his finger in the air like he’s not the one holding them up. 

Once more, Kim’s countdown comes, they open the car doors, hop into their seats, and smack the doors closed…with Jared a second too late. 

“Goddammit!” Jensen yells but he’s laughing, too, because this is the most absurd thing they’ve had to tackle. Even sadder is the fact that they keep failing. 

Well, Jared keeps failing.

“Were you dropped on your head as a baby?” Jensen asks, not bothering to get out of the car just yet.

“Yes, I was,” Jared replies, matter-of-factly. “About fourteen times.”

Jensen chuckles and finally shoves the car door open again. “It shows.” 

Upright and outside again, Jared widens his shoulders then playfully shucks his hair out of his eyes, sweeping bits across his forehead a la Sam. Jensen’s still laughing to himself because for all that Jared can be a total pain in the ass, he’s a funny pain in the ass. 

Jared puckers his lips to Jensen and winks, and Jensen feels his stomach plummet far into his knees.

So he’s also a pretty hot, tempting, taunting, funny pain in the ass.

For weeks now, Jensen has been doing all he can to differentiate the feelings of camaraderie of working on set with Jared and the deep, brotherly connection of Sam and Dean from the deep-gut draw he feels whenever he lets Dean’s guard down. 

“Alright, ready?” Kim yells to them, and then seconds later counts down faster than ever before.

“Holy shit!” Jensen nearly shrieks as he and Jared hustle to keep up with the quick numbers.

They fail, and it’s such a sad fact that Jensen is right there and Jared is falling behind worse and worse with each attempt.

Jensen declares they’re handling it themselves and counts Jared off. They rush into the car and manage to slam the doors shut at the same time, but Jared also knocks his knee into the glove box, whining in pain. Jensen can’t stop laughing hysterically now.

“Fucking knee!” Jared groans, kicking his other foot up at the glove box.

“You’re such a fucking monster,” Jensen spits out between giggles. Yes, he’s now reduced to giggles at Jared’s expense. “A freaking gargantuan Big Foot.”

“More like Big Knee.”

That sets Jensen off on another fit of laughter, huffing in between. “Big Knee? You’re such a moron.”

“I’m not a moron! This car is too small!”

Jensen tumbles out of the front seat, just starting to control his laughter. The Impala has more than enough room for two guys like them, Jared’s just unfortunate to have been born without coordination, or grace. 

“Alright, Princess,” Jensen says, as level as possible while recovering from his laughter. 

“If you insist.” 

It takes four more takes until they get it, but soon enough, they’re in time and have their asses on the bench seat at the very same moment.

Jensen glances over and Jared’s already smirking. “Only took ya ten years.”

“Not ten!” Jared insists. Then adds on, “Okay, maybe five. I’m slow, but I catch up.” Jensen raises in eyebrow and Jared shrugs goofily. “Eventually.”

“I ain’t waiting around for eventually. You better start catchin’ up real fast.”

Jared chuckles and swats at Jensen’s head. “Patience, young padawan.”

 


End file.
